Yes, I admit it, I am a label whore. I will buy a wine simply because the label intrigues me or makes me laugh so hard I snort wine out my nose. Sometimes it’s just not the points that make a wine pourable. Sometimes the wine’s personality is so just much more intriguing. A bottle or two of these hip vinos is sure to get more than just gossip flowing at your next gathering of girlfriends. Cheers!

Mad Housewife
At the end of a absurdly long day don’t we deserve to leap off the carousel of household catastrophes to savor a much deserved glass of Chardonnay…or two…or three…? For red vino aficionados, a Cabernet and a Merlot are also available from the vineyard that was supposedly inspired by the film “Diaries of a Mad Housewife.” I am going to have to splurge on one of their “Don’t be silly darling, it’s just a wine…” t-shirts immediately. Tons of neat stuff to check out on their website Mad Housewife Cellars.

Bitch and Sassy Bitch
When the party turns into an all-out Bitchfest it’s time to pull out these cute little numbers. All the way from South Austraila, the Bitch Grenache is rapidly becoming available in local markets. The newly discovered Sassy Bitch simply screams for a night out with girlfriends, gossip, and a bit of glamour. Every girl should be entitled to revel in her bitchiness every now and then.

Mommy’s Time Out
Heaven would be a quiet corner where a perfectly chilled Pino Grigio is waiting for me while my child is left to figure out that temper tantrums, baby powdering the bedroom, and flushing frogs down toilet does NOT make Mommy happy. All by himself. While I get some much deserved chill-out time. Wouldn’t it be lovely if life actually worked that way? I have a bottle of this tempting Italian White I am saving for the moment I JUST CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.

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Working Girl Wines
We all know that every woman is a working woman no matter what her official title may be. These labels from Olympic Cellars Winery, “Created by women, in support of women,” include Go Girl Red, Working Girl White, Rose the Riveter, and the token hot guy Handyman Red. And you can gulp your glass guilt free, for portions of the profit support various women’s charities. WorkingGirlWines.com

Old Tart
We all have one of these in our circle of friends…or family. This blend of Sauvignon Blanc and Terret is supposedly flying of the shelves across the pond. Made for adult consumers who with voluptuous bodies, who are fresh, fruity, and a bit up-front. OLD Fart Grenache is also available, but personally, I’d prefer this dame at my party. As the bottle says, “Be smart, enjoy the tart!”

Cat’s Pee on a Gooseberry Bush
Sometimes we need an escape from our furry babies as well. Having been the mom of five fab felines, and I have cleaned more than my share of ill placed puddles and piddles some memorable days. So, I simply couldn’t resist including this New Zeland Sauvignon Blanc, self described as “Extremely playful, with aromas inclined to leap out of the glass at you and a long and racy body.” I’m assuming those aromas are much more pleasing to the palate than than the name suggests.

White Trash White
It’s a scenario that is all too familiar. After a few glasses of wine someone inevitably breaks out the country tunes, and often a sing-along ensues. Next time anyone attempts to subject me to such a situation I’m going to insist this wine is served. Perhaps not for the Manolo and martini set, but guaranteed to give the rest of us a good chuckle. The back lable reads: Nestled in the scenic foothills of the Sierra Nevada Mountains in the quaint community of Oildale. Strategically planted btween pumping oil wells and oil sumps are rows of grapevines. This blend of oil and tar-tainted soils leds itself to a wine grape flavor seldom duplicated throughout the world of viticulture. At your next trailer park potluck, surprise your neighbors with this teasingly trashy white. No catfish should be served without it.
‘Nuff said.

Tiny Bubbles
Yeah, she looks like she would be the life of any party or its obnoxious downfall. This cheap bubbly should be good for more than a few giggles once her cork is popped. And she kind of reminds me of my 4th grade teacher. Another amusing addition from the Harper Hill Oildale Winery.

UTTER bastard
No night of female bonding is complete without a little man bashing. This lively little Syrah would be the perfect accompaniment to trashing any bastard in your life (whether he deserves it or not). If you prefer a Chardonnay or your man can stand to lose a few pounds, the FAT BASTARD is also readily available.

SinZin
Who can resist this lusty little Bacchus? Perhaps we should save the sinning for a weekend in Vegas, but this Greek God of wine and intoxication is sure to get any party started. My husband wanted to have this label tiled on the bottom of our swimming pool. Seriously. Damn tasty Zinfandel though.

Rude Boy
No need to hire a stripper, Ladies. The back label “warns,” When this bottle of wine is chilled Rude Boy will reveal all. This hunk’s pants disappear when this South African Chardonnay hits the right degree. Never has reaching the proper temperate been so climatic. I will be on the hunt for this hunk for my next soiree…be waiting for it ladies…