Category Archives: career?

Yet another reason I’m proud to work in a public library…

For Immediate Release
Tue, 11/15/2016

Contact:

Macey Morales
Deputy Director
Public Awareness Office
American Library Association

CHICAGO – Today American Library Association President Julie Todaro released the following statement regarding the invaluable role libraries  and librarians will play within their communities as many search for common ground after the election.

“After a contentious campaign season filled with divisive rhetoric, we are now hearing from our members and in the news media about incidents of bigotry and harassment within our communities.  From children acting out in schools to adults participating in violent acts, it is clear that our nation is struggling in the wake of this election.

“During times like these, our nation’s 120,000 public, academic, school and special libraries are invaluable allies inspiring understanding and community healing. Libraries provide a safe place for individuals of all ages and backgrounds and for difficult discussions on social issues.  Our nation’s libraries serve all community members, including people of color, immigrants, people with disabilities, and the most vulnerable in our communities, offering services and educational resources that transform communities, open minds and promote inclusion and diversity.

“As an association representing these libraries, librarians and library workers, ALA believes that the struggle against racism, prejudice, stereotyping, and discrimination is central to our mission. As we have throughout our 140 year-long history, we will continue to support efforts to abolish intolerance and cultural invisibility, stand up for all the members of the communities we serve, and promote understanding and inclusion through our work.”

rainbow-diverse-books

Spreading Some Love Between the Covers

“Love stories are universal. Love stories are powerful.
And so are the women who write them.”

Last spring I wrote about how I was dying to watch LOVE BETWEEN THE COVERS, a feature-length indie documentary film that explores the little-known, surprisingly powerful world of women who write and read romance? I finally attended a screening thanks to the fine folks at the Orlando Public Library. I left inspired, enlightened, and I may have had a watery eye from time to time.

Love Between the Covers is the fascinating story of the vast, funny, and savvy female community that has built a powerhouse industry sharing love stories. Romance fiction is sold in 34 languages on six continents, and the genre grosses more than a billion dollars a year–outselling mystery, sci-fi, and fantasy combined. Yet the millions of voracious women (and sometimes men) who read, write, and love romance novels have remained oddly invisible. Until now. For three years, the film follows the lives of five very diverse published romance authors and a unpublished newbie as they build their businesses, find and lose loved ones, cope with a tsunami of change in publishing, and earn a living doing what they love—while empowering others to do the same.

During the three years the filmmakers shot the documentary, they witnessed the largest power shift in the publishing industry in the last 200 years. And it’s the romance authors who are on the front lines, pioneering new ways to survive and thrive in the rapidly shifting environment.

Many aspects of the film had me in awe. Bella Andre writes 25 pages a day?!!

The segments following the video diary of aspiring romance author Joanne Lockyer had me feeling all swishy inside. I found myself discretely dabbing the corners of my eyes after she saw her book, her quest, her baby in print for the first time in all its tangible beauty.

There were so many more nuggets of goodness, conversations about diversity, desire, power shifts, and how to write a damn good book.

I tried to jot down a few of my favorite quotes as I watched, but alas, as I read over my chicken scratch, I’ve realized that these should more be considered paraphrases. My profound apologies if any of these are too far off. (Feel free to kill me off in your next book if I offend.)

We’re not looking for a stupid heroine … we’re looking for a story where the woman has her shit together and the man is the cherry on top of the sundae.

Beverly Jenkins

Loyalty, love, loss, courage–all books in ALL genres circle around to these eternal themes.

Eloisa James

I love fiction because it’s fiction. Fiction is not real and it’s not supposed to be. Fiction is a dream. Fiction is a desire. Fiction is hope.

Len Barot/Radclyffe

Yes it’s a fantasy. But so are Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. It’s no great surprise that he never dies in the end. So what’s wrong with our
Happily Ever After?

Beverly Jenkins

This is the one place where you will consistently find women’s sexuality treated fairly and positively.

Sarah Wendell

 

But one of the main themes of the movie was the camaraderie. Through RWA (Romance Writers of America), these women, be them multi-millionaire business builders or publishing-shy newbies, shared a refreshing desire to share what they know to help others succeed. (I also see this in the Women’s Fiction Writers Association, but this wasn’t their movie. Go WFWA!) They stress that there’s no finite number of readers, so we can publish an infinite number of stories.

After the movie screening, the Orlando Public Library hosted romance panel discussions about Tropes We Love and Hate and Vampires and Angels and Weres, Oh My!, followed by a book signing featuring local romance writers.

And…

pro rwa

 

I’m offically a PRO member of Romance Writers of America.

Come on in. There’s room for you here too.

 

Howdy, Campers!

Since it’s July 1st, and I’m heading off to camp!

Camp-Participant-2015-Web-Banner

Actually, I’m retreating into my home office (a.k.a. writing cave) to bravely attempt to make some damn progress on book #2.   ::GULP::

For those of you who think Camp NanNoWriMo still sounds like a quaint summer camp in the Adirondacks (they all have Native American sounding names, don’t they?) here’s the official rundown:

“National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to creative writing. Participants work toward the goal of writing a 50,000-word draft during the month of November. Valuing enthusiasm, determination, and a deadline, NaNoWriMo is for anyone who has ever thought fleetingly about writing a novel.

Camp NaNoWriMo is a more open-ended version of our original November event. We have Camp sessions in both April and July, and we welcome word-count goals between 10,000 and 1,000,000. In addition, writers may attempt non-novel projects. Camp is a creative retreat for whatever you’re working on!”

So yay! I have my cabin assignment, and I’m “bunking” with ten other enthusiastic writers.

camp na

Did I mention I’m terrified? Yeah, I may not have to worry about scorpions in my sleeping bag or being carried off by a swarm of mosquitoes, but I have to write. Real words that flow—576 of them per day to meet my goal. That might not seem like many, but my muse has been quite bitchy lately, and she might also be suffering from a slight case of bi-polar disorder.

And I can’t get homesick. I don’t have the luxury of hiding away in the woods from real life. So what if summer is the busiest time of year in my real job? Yesterday, I ran a library program for 84 people (including 69 antsy KIDS) all by myself. Can you say managed chaos? It went very well, thank you, but work is keeping me on my toes—quite literally.

And then this month is full of holidays, birthdays, and much-needed family days at the beach or springs. Because, well, I have a real life. And a family I enjoy spending time with (although the kiddo starts middle school in August, so I don’t how how much longer he’ll tolerate spending time with me).

I know...yadda, yadda, yadda… Time to get over the lame excuses and park my butt in the chair. I must focus like a yoga guru. Or Yoda.

Time to allow myself to write a shitty first draft. No more going back over and over the same chapter because it’s just not right. Save the edits for later. Get the story down.

Time to follow the words of Nora Roberts, who just may know what the hell she’s talking about:

Nora Roberts top writing advice

Here we go, campers…now I wonder if I can count this as 455 words towards today’s goal?

 

A Novel (Rocket) Surprise

I haven’t been writing.

There. My big dirty secret is out.

You see, I got busy. I know, I know, we’re ALL busy. Real writers don’t find time, they MAKE time.

It could be considered a sabbatical. Since writing was my “full-time job” for a few years, technically I’ve been on an extended period of leave from one’s customary work, especially for rest, acquiring new skills or training, etc. Yeah. That’s it. I’ve been on sabbatical. It’s amazing what one can learn about the publishing industry by working in a library. Seeing which books people REALLY read (at least in my local market) has reshaped my entire concept of what’s marketable. But more on what I’m learning from deep in the stacks another day.

I’ve also been cutting back on screen time, trying to connect with the friends and family close enough to hug instead of living within my extended cyberworld.

I’ve been on a journey to find balance in my life. I’m still searching.

But enough with these excuses. The true reason I’ve been shying away from my quest to become a published writer is that I got scared. My manuscript isn’t good enough. I’M not good enough. (This is why so many writers become drug addicts and drunks, right?)  I should just bury that damn manuscript in a drawer below the pretty panties I never wear like thousands—perhaps millions—of other wannabe writers.

Then a package appeared on my doorstep.

I hadn’t ordered anything. The square brown box was far too large to contain a book for review. My birthday wasn’t for months. I opened it tentatively.

Inside I found hope.

It came in the form of a delicate sculpture. My Novel Rocket Launch Pad trophy arrived at the perfect time.

 novel rocket trophy CollageI photographed the trophy around my yard, attempting to capture the sway of the delicate blown glass, the sparkles of sunlight shimmering off the surface.

Amidst the spring blooms, turquoise waters, and clear blue skies I realized that despite its outer artistry, its true beauty was intrinsic. Inside the rocket’s seemingly hollow body swirled inspiration, affirmation, passion, pride. . . and hope.

I am a writer.

I decided the glorious reminder of not only what I won, but what I can be, would shine in any environment. It should be placed where it will serve the highest purpose: on my desk.

Perhaps it will evoke more magic—aided by hefty doses of perseverance, hard work, tenacious editing, and perhaps a smidgeon of talent. Instead of being weighed down by too many fears, this work of art will remind me to fill myself with hope, light as the stars.

launch pad trophy

A heartfelt thanks to everyone at Novel Rocket.

novel rocket card

And to Joy Alyssa Day at GlassSculpture.org for sending me such a graceful work of art.

And now a reminder from my son’s 4th grade teacher:

why do we write

 

Mama’s Losin’ It
Prompt: Write about something you have too much of: fear & hope.

 

 

I’ve Entered the Fight—errr—SUBMISSION Club

A few readers have noticed that I haven’t been writing about . . . well, writing lately. Yes, life is busy (you know how long it took to make all that Minecraft Halloween/birthday stuff?) but trust me, I’ve been 95% in writing mode.

Technically, in submission mode.

Yup, I’ve tossed my baby out there. I’ve entered the Fight Club.

Errr— I mean—The SUBMISSION CLUB.

Wait, that still sounds like something from Fifty Shades of Grey. It’s not. I swear.

For those not in the business, once a writer has slaved over every single comma, dash, and precious word in their manuscript, they submit it to agents, who then submit it to publishers. Someday. Maybe.

A super-quick rundown of the submission process:

  1. Finish the damn book. Perfect the damn book. Love it as much as a child.
  2. Write a query letter—250 titillating words that must tempt an agent into requesting more of your work. This can take weeks months and dozens of revisions.
  3. Write the book synopsis. This means taking those 100,000 words (400 pages) you ever so carefully arranged and condense them down to 3-5 pages. You must include the entire plot, all major conflicts, characters, personality, oh, and if you can write it so it conveys the tone of your novel,  that would be great as well.   …weeks later…   Now, slash it down to a one page version, too.
  4. Carefully research literary agents. Scour writer’s forums. Winnow down the list of thousands of agents to a few hundred who actually seek your genre. Check agency websites, pour over agent blogs, Google interviews, follow twitter feeds. Make pretty, color-coded spreadsheets.
  5. Decide which agents you will query first. Decide how many you will query at a time. Study their individual submission guidelines. Yes, it’s different for every single one. Adjust your query letter, synopsis, bio, and sample chapters accordingly. Follow every single direction. If you don’t, you will be rejected. Immediately.
  6. Once you have that submission package PERFECT—you must hit SEND.  I tend to hover over the button for a half-hour, then go check everything for the tenth time. PRESS SEND. (My heart is racing just writing about this moment. For real.)
  7. Wait.
  8. Wait.
  9. Wait.
  10. Check email every 5 minutes.
  11. Wait.
  12. Wait.
  13. This waiting can go on forever. Okay, not forever, but most agents say they respond in between 4 – 12 weeks. Some respond only if interested.
  14. Wait.
  15. Deal with rejections. (Kathryn Stockett’s bestseller The Help—60 rejections. I know many writers who have kept going after hundreds. It happens to even the best of books and writers.)
  16. Wait.
  17. And then—open an email from an agent requesting more pages!!!!!  They might ask for a partial manuscript or a full (whoohoo!) or anywhere in between. Do a Snoopy Dance.
  18. Repeat steps 6 – 15.
  19. Keep going. Go back to step 5. Repeat.
  20. Achieve goal. *The goal is to acquire an agent, who will then sell your book to a publisher. This entire process can take years. That’s just how it goes. (So please stop asking me if my book will be in the bookstore by Christmas.) You have to want it. You have to be brave. You have to be slightly crazy.*

Okay, so that wasn’t so super-quick, but when you wonder if I chow on bon bons while watching HGTV all day, the answer is a resounding NO.  (::sigh:: Sometimes I DO watch HGTV. It keeps me company.)

That’s what’s going on in my world. But I can’t really blog about it.

the first rule of Submission Club

Agents are pretty smart and savvy cookies. Agents read blogs. Agents check out social media. They know their way around Google. One does not want to upset, confuse, or irritate said agents. That means querying writers must keep their mouths shut and fingers still—at least in reference to discussing/ranting about the trials and tribulations of the querying process.

In addition, other writer friends read blogs/follow us on social media, and no one likes a braggart. Or someone constantly whining about rejection.

A few stats for your reading pleasure~

Literary Agent Carly Watters kindly posted her 2012 query stats on her blog:

Queries received: Approximately 6,000

Partial manuscript requests: 189 (She looked at a lot of partials because she was building her list. Anything that she thought had potential to be a fit she requested.)

Full manuscript requests: 30

New clients from the slush pile: 7 (That’s a lot. She won’t be signing that many this coming year.)

Kristen Nelson of Nelson Literary Agency (and the fab Pub Rants Blog)  posted her astounding 2012 stats as well:

32,000+ or some big number…
estimated number of queries read and responded to. Down from last year as they closed queries in the month of December.

81
full manuscripts requested and read (up from 69 last year).

16
number of new clients

That’s 16 new people signed. Out of 32,000+. Yeah. I’m not even going to work those percentages.

Sooo, dear friends and family, there will be times when I feel like I’ve had the snot beat out me as the rejections roll in (if only it was by someone as hot as Brad Pitt), and there will be moments when I’m riding on an adrenalin high after a win (a.k.a. an agent request). I’m not showing signs of bipolar disorder. I don’t need prescription medication.

Let the nail biting begin. Wait. I don’t bite my nails. Maybe I should start. I don’t smoke. I don’t run. I eat chocolate. I do yoga sometimes. Send chocolate and yoga studio memberships, please. And wine! I’ll just be hanging out here nibbling dark chocolate and chugging sipping chardonnay while getting on my om.

yoga wine chocolate

And plotting my next book.

**********************

If you’d like to see a humorous run-down, check this out on Writer’s Relief:

The Submission Process, In Reaction GIFs

Deciding your work is ready for the world to see:

tumblr_mn1chmc5em1r7cu3so1_400

 

 

 

 

READ MORE HERE

 

 

10 Principles to Build a Foundation for Your Dreams

medium_5008524257

Saturday I attended my second FLBlogCon here in Orlando, an eye-opening day full of inspiration, education, food, and fun. While I could write an entire post about surviving a conference for shy introverts (yup, that’s me), instead I’ll share one the biggest take-aways of the day. And it’s not just about blogging, it’s about life.

Pat Williams—Orlando Magic Senior VP, blogger, best-selling author, motivational speaker, basketball Hall-of-Famer, and father of 19 kids (no, that’s not a typo)—delivered the amazing opening key note speech. It all started with discovering our passion, our sweet spot.

{Sweet Spot} : an optimum point or combination of factors or qualities

For some of us that may be blogging, writing, our careers, or our family. For most, it’s that balance between. It’s our passion. We all dream of finding that sweet spot, of spending each day finding fulfillment in what we do, earning the financial rewards to make it possible, and feeling the peace in wanting to wake up tomorrow and do it all again. It’s finding passion in our work and having the strength to keep moving towards our dreams even in the face of defeat. We dream. Some of us dream BIG.

According to Pat Williams, we must first build a foundation for those dreams.

As I listened to his talk, I nodded my head and furiously typed notes. Below is what I took away from his words. It’s completely paraphrased, any mistakes are mine. What you take away is up to you.

10 Foundation Blocks for Building Your Dream

 

  1. Think the right kind of thoughts. What you think all day long will become your real life. And READ. One hour day. Real books.

  2. Say the right kind of words. The words we speak have a way of becoming our reality.

  3. Be specific in goal setting. A clear-cut, definite goal is a powerful motivator. Make three lists of your goals: short term daily, mid-range of a few years, and long range. Write them down, review them constantly, and  revise them when necessary. Goals without deadlines just kind of hang out there. Practice self-discipline. To quote Bobby Knight: Discipline is doing what you have to do, and doing it as well as you possibly can, and doing it that way all the time.

  4. Be responsible for your attitude. You yourself are not responsible for Syria, global warming, or tsunamis. Release it. You ARE responsible for your attitude. At the end of the day, that’s all you can control.

  5. Seek out the right kinds of friends. Get around a bunch of upbeat positive people, you will be like them soon. Negativity and resentment will pull you down. Also, when picking a spouse, ask yourself, “Does he/she make me a better person?”

  6. Don’t waist your disappointments. Take your hurts, pain, setbacks, and disappointments and turn them into strengths. We shine in good times and curl up in bad. But tough times are teachable moments — our spirits are open when we’re deep in that well. Be open to learning. Get something out of it.

  7. Go the second mile. Do twice what ‘s expected of you. Outwork people. It’s the old-fashioned way—it never will change. The current entitlement mindset (it’s owed to me) doesn’t work. We need to cut it off. Two of the most important words in English Language are What Else. As in what else can I do/contribute/etc. The people who grasp those words and follow through will dominate.

  8. Never give up. Winners in life plow through the tough times. Practice “Stick-to-it-ivity”—a phrase coined by Walt Disney.

  9. Character still counts. Honesty. Integrity. Responsibly. Humility. Courage.

  10. Live your life by the faith phenomena.

Honestly, I need to work on every one of these principles. Every day. I stink at most of them (see, there’s that negativity I need to kick-in-the-butt).

live your dreamPin It

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go write myself into my sweet spot. Because I can. Because I must. I have some work to do.

Thanks Pat.
Click here to read more about Pat

 Do you practice any of these principles? Which points do you take to heart?

 photo credit: SweetOnVeg via photopin cc

I’m A Working Girl Now

Once again, my adaptation and juggling skills are being put to the test. For the first time in eight years, I am officially a working girl. (Because, as you all know, I spent those last eight years on the couch watching talk shows and eating Oreo truffles. Blogger, SAHM, and {unpublished} novelist don’t really count as “real” jobs, right?)

I’m forbidden to reveal anything about my job, pure torture for a blogger. I’ve signed a strict confidentiality agreement; if I tell you, I’d have to kill you…or just get fired.  It may or may not  have something to do with poles, pistols, or the Pythagorean theorem.

Honestly, I’m just thrilled to be able to spend a few hours with other adults wearing something besides yoga pants. If I planned it our properly, I’d wager a hefty sum (in other words, more than I’m making) that I could wear a different outfit each day. And I’m talking no repeats on tops, bottoms, or dresses. The clothes horse in me is biting at the bit to finally dust off some of my thrift store fashion finds.

I CAN tell you it’s an evening job. Considering my shift lasts a solid hour past my usual 9:30ish bedtime, I’d almost consider it a night job. It’s a stretch for our family; we normally eat dinner together every night, and I’m always the one who cooks (I like cooking).  Now I’m eating dinner at five, alone. I’m missing reading and snuggling time with my kiddo, the most cherished parts of my day. No evenings spent reading beside my hubby.  And  no wine during the week. Unbelievable, I know. I’m considering setting up a caffeine I.V. drip instead. Not nearly as much fun, but necessary.

Since I’m writing about jobs, I thought I’d link up with the lovely Nicole @Moments That Define for Listable Life.

5 Jobs I’ve had

1. Pirate Yes, I was the fresh-eyed, all-American girl in the polyester pirate costume standing outside Pirates of the Caribbean at Disney World. Never. Again. Enough said. (Or to read why I Hung Mickey Mouse click here)

2. Ear Piercer Back in high school, I wielded the ear piercing gun at our mega-Claire’s Boutique. Back then, earrings were “in” for guys, so I had a wonderful time making tough football players cry. Priceless. But the babies — oh, the babies — they’d be fine, just a little squirmy, as I did my best to draw even target dots on their tiny ears.  They’d smile as I lined the gun up, then POP…they’d pause for a second, then stare at me as if I was evil incarnate just before they screwed their face up and howled. That second hole was always tough.  I hated the babies, but I loved the boys.

Photo courtesy of ABC News

3. Bridal Boutique Manager I could tell you it was a magical job, filled with touching moments of teary-eyed and blissfully grateful brides-to-be embracing me after we found “the dress.” It would be a boldfaced lie. I don’t need to watch Bridezillas. I’ve lived it. On the bright side, I did get to try on all the sample gowns after hours. That was fun.

4. Japanese Hair product tester I can’t reveal much, except that my DNA is on file in some Japanese laboratory. This makes me more than a bit nervous. At least I’ve never come across any weird pictures of my bad hair days on the internet. Yet.

5. Bra Fitter  Technically, I was the Men’s Collections and Ladies Lingerie department manager at a major department store, but I measured women for bras as often as my sales girls did.  I’ve seen as many boobs as Hugh Heffner, except most were most certainly not Playboy worthy. I learned far too much about what happens when well-endowed women age (considering I was in my mid-20s and still small and perky, it was quite an eye-opener).  Guys’ eyes always lit up when I mentioned that aspect of my job — until I described how cleavage can hang well-past a waistline.

Have you had any unique jobs?

November Manifesto

I WILL FINISH MY NOVEL THIS MONTH.
On this first day of November and the kick-off of NaNoWriMo,
I challenge myself not to write an entire 50,000 word novel in a month, 
but just to finish the 80,000+ words I have struggled with for two years. 

I will shift my priorites and just GET IT DONE. It can suck. That’s okay.
I can’t edit and rewrite until I have something to edit and rewrite.

No one else will treat my writing as anything but a hobby unless I take the lead.
It’s not some cute little thing I do between loads of laundry. Well, actually, it is.
That needs to change if I ever want to be published.

Yes, I understand bloggers have jumped on this bandwagon and cooked up NaBloPoMo.
I’m not going to write a blog post a day. 
In fact, I’m going to blog LESS so I can focus on the book.
That is all.

Why Sharing a Birthday Stinks

A long time ago, in a sweltering suburb a few hundred miles away, a little girl was born.  Growing up as an only child, this little girl thought birthdays were all about her.  She never had big fancy parties (bounce houses and magic fairy face painters had yet to be discovered) but enjoyed intimate celebrations with neighborhood friends and family.

On the night of her ninth birthday she received a wonderful surprise: she had a new cousin.  Her mom announced the news while the girl was frolicking in the backyard swimming pool with her best friends.  It beat out the Barbie clothes and bicycle by far.  It was the best birthday present ever. 

Flash forward about fifteen years.  This young, independent woman met a sweet, smart, and even kind of cute guy.  On their first date they discovered they have many things in common: a passion for books, a love of history, similar tastes in music, both graduated from the same university, and both share the same birthday.

Well, same date but four years apart.

And his older brother was also born on this crowed day five year before him.

Apparently October was a very busy time for making babies. (She filed that away for future reference.)

Fate was just screwing with her.  This was either REALLY creepy or they were meant to be.

Flash forward again to present day. The couple has been married for 10+ years. And this woman (yes, it’s ME) freely admits SHE HATES SHARING HER BIRTHDAY.

She doesn’t want presents or parties.  Once she passed 21 there was no need for a big celebration.  Once she passed 30 there was no need to really even mention the day.

All she wants is one day a year she doesn’t have to clean up cat puke, cook, load the dishwasher, or clean pee off the bathroom floor.  If she had her OWN birthday these teeny tiny little requests could be easily granted by her husband and son.  But it’s her husband’s special day too.  And birthdays are a BIG deal in his family.

She can’t really go out with girlfriends because then the celebrations would be lopsided. Men don’t go out with their ‘boyfriends’.

So what does the birthday couple do? A few of the birthdays were a blast. The year Disney granted free admission on your birthday worked out well; the family enjoyed a day at the Magic Kingdom for the price of a child admission.  Last year the Dave Matthew’s Band was thoughtful enough to hold a concert on the couple’s special day and the duo danced the night away under the stars.  But even things like concerts are tricky; it has to be a band BOTH love (no Godsmack or Micheal Franti & Spearhead).

Most of the time they pickup three meals out so no one has to cook.  Okay, but once again they have to agree on where to go and precious time is wasted with the “Where do you want to go?  I don’t know; where do YOU want to go?” debate which can last for hours.

As if they were twins (eeeww) the couple often receives joint gifts.  Yes, they are appreciative of anything anyone is kind enough to bestow upon them, but it is still a bit creepy.

Luckily they do share one love: wine.  Granted he is partial to reds and she to whites, but a bottle of vino has become the gift du jour.  Thank God they have that in common.

She is still tying to convince her husband to let her move her birthday up or back a day.  Then they could each have a day to pick meals and not have to pick up dead bugs.  She thinks it’s a win-win deal.  Maybe it will happen…someday…Until then they will just have to enjoy a special glass of wine together on their special day.  Cheers.

Why I Can’t Find a REAL Job {Part 1}

 It’s no big secret that I have been hunting for a job to supplement our income and give me a bit of my own life back. 
I’ve only applied for five jobs so far but my phone has yet to ring with opportunity.  Perhaps it’s time to start applying for the jobs listed below.  All are real and unedited jobs(except to remove locations and numbers) I found on my local Craigslist yesterday. 
Don’t blame the lack of grammar or morals on me…

Bikini Carwash

We are now hiring girls to wash and detail cars in their bikinis.. If you are pretty, look good in your bikini, are loud, have a flirty attitude, and can stand in the sun all day we want you!!!!
We are Rise & Shine Carwash located at XXXX at the Citgo gas station at the corner of Old XX Highway. We have two shifts 11-3 & 3-7.. or you can work all day!!
You will make all of your tips which range anywhere from 20$- 100$ a day… Its really up to you.. if you need are serious please respond to my add with the days and times that you are available
and a picture so i know what you look like and I will respond with my phone number…. Talk to you soon
 

Compensation: Tips..$40.00-$ 100.00 per day 


seeking apprentice for body modification

for any or all of these fields:
Piercing
3D Body Implants
Branding Ear Pointing
Shaped Punches
Transdermal Implants
I’m a very motivated, dependable and reliable person. This is a path that I would like to otake to help shape the rest of my life. Please contact me with anything you think may be of interest to me. 

compensation: n/a

ATTRACTIVE LADIES WITH COMMUNICATION SKILLS MAKE A $1000.00 WEEKLY

Growing company looking for attractive women between the ages of 18-35 to work for our bikini maid services…You can make your own schedule and we have morning, afternoons, and night shifts available. The job consist of performing light house chores. You can make a $1000 plus tips a week working part time!!! Serious applicants please send us a pictures of your face and full body!! NO NUDE Pictures necessary!!!If you have any other questions don’t hesitate to ask… 


Body wax\bleaching assistant needed

I am looking for an assistant. I have been doing bodywaxing for over 11 years. I am slowly expanding my business. I’m also looking for volunteers to train on with students. I am willing to pay the volunteers for their time. I work in and cater to the adult industry so my assistant would have to be ok in that setting. It pays from $300- $500 a week. No experience necessary I will train.(ladies only)



Cleaning/Janitorial

A CLEANING COMPANY F IS IN NEED OF 2 PERSONS MEN and WOMAN PREFER IF THEY ARE HUSBAND AND WIFE TEAMS. DUTIES ARE TRASH COLLECTION, SWEPT FLOORS, DUSTING,VACCUM CARPET CLEANING, AND ABOUTH TWISE A YEAR CARPET TREATMENT EXPERIENCE AND STRIPP AND WAX EXPERIENCE REQUIRE HAVE OWN TRANSPORTATION., NEED GOOD DRIVING RECORD. BACKGROUND CHECK.
THIS IS A PART TIME BASE ON 2 OR 3 HOUR DEPENDING IN YOUR SKILLS
PREFER IF LIVE CLOSED TO THE JOB SITE THE HOURS START AT 8:00PM
NO ALARM SETTING CODE.,ONLY KEYS FOR ACCES
PLEASE LIVE ME A TEXT. MESSAGE AT xxxxxxxxx BE ESPESIFIC ON THE TEXT,IF LIVE CLOSED BY HOW FAR.,IF HAVE TRANSPORTATION.,IF HAVE EXPERIENCE

Compensation: $7.50 AN HOUR X 2 OR 3 HOUR A DAY X 7 DAYS A WEEK 

Experienced Pet Bather

All Creatures Pet Grooming is looking for an experienced pet bather. Must have worked in the field for 2 years, have knowledge with ear flushing, gland expression,  and different skin problems. Part time

  • Compensation: $9-10 per hour

female model or like model

Seeking a female model or like model that wants to suppliment her income or is looking for a great supporter. Must be intelligent, highly independent lifestyle, classy and single, be willing to travel occassionally, and ready to climb the ladder of success, whatever it may take…someone motivated to succeed in life. Please email photo.
I need only real people, fakes and criminals keep out.

  • Compensation: TO DISCUSS

Real Couples for TV show $$

Divorce Court is looking for married couples on the verge of divorce, or feuding couples that have been living together for at least 3 years. If you are a great talker, and want to bring your story to our show, please call us. Both sides have to participate. We will pay 570 dollars for each side in the argument, and we will cover your flight and hotel in Los Angeles. We want your story ASAP!

  • Compensation: $570 per person  

    I wonder if I could get a call back from any of these jobs?  Doubtful.  Maybe I should send a bikini shot along with my next resume…

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