Once again, my adaptation and juggling skills are being put to the test. For the first time in eight years, I am officially a working girl. (Because, as you all know, I spent those last eight years on the couch watching talk shows and eating Oreo truffles. Blogger, SAHM, and {unpublished} novelist don’t really count as “real” jobs, right?)

I’m forbidden to reveal anything about my job, pure torture for a blogger. I’ve signed a strict confidentiality agreement; if I tell you, I’d have to kill you…or just get fired.  It may or may not  have something to do with poles, pistols, or the Pythagorean theorem.

Honestly, I’m just thrilled to be able to spend a few hours with other adults wearing something besides yoga pants. If I planned it our properly, I’d wager a hefty sum (in other words, more than I’m making) that I could wear a different outfit each day. And I’m talking no repeats on tops, bottoms, or dresses. The clothes horse in me is biting at the bit to finally dust off some of my thrift store fashion finds.

I CAN tell you it’s an evening job. Considering my shift lasts a solid hour past my usual 9:30ish bedtime, I’d almost consider it a night job. It’s a stretch for our family; we normally eat dinner together every night, and I’m always the one who cooks (I like cooking).  Now I’m eating dinner at five, alone. I’m missing reading and snuggling time with my kiddo, the most cherished parts of my day. No evenings spent reading beside my hubby.  And  no wine during the week. Unbelievable, I know. I’m considering setting up a caffeine I.V. drip instead. Not nearly as much fun, but necessary.

Since I’m writing about jobs, I thought I’d link up with the lovely Nicole @Moments That Define for Listable Life.

5 Jobs I’ve had

1. Pirate Yes, I was the fresh-eyed, all-American girl in the polyester pirate costume standing outside Pirates of the Caribbean at Disney World. Never. Again. Enough said. (Or to read why I Hung Mickey Mouse click here)

2. Ear Piercer Back in high school, I wielded the ear piercing gun at our mega-Claire’s Boutique. Back then, earrings were “in” for guys, so I had a wonderful time making tough football players cry. Priceless. But the babies — oh, the babies — they’d be fine, just a little squirmy, as I did my best to draw even target dots on their tiny ears.  They’d smile as I lined the gun up, then POP…they’d pause for a second, then stare at me as if I was evil incarnate just before they screwed their face up and howled. That second hole was always tough.  I hated the babies, but I loved the boys.

Photo courtesy of ABC News

3. Bridal Boutique Manager I could tell you it was a magical job, filled with touching moments of teary-eyed and blissfully grateful brides-to-be embracing me after we found “the dress.” It would be a boldfaced lie. I don’t need to watch Bridezillas. I’ve lived it. On the bright side, I did get to try on all the sample gowns after hours. That was fun.

4. Japanese Hair product tester I can’t reveal much, except that my DNA is on file in some Japanese laboratory. This makes me more than a bit nervous. At least I’ve never come across any weird pictures of my bad hair days on the internet. Yet.

5. Bra Fitter  Technically, I was the Men’s Collections and Ladies Lingerie department manager at a major department store, but I measured women for bras as often as my sales girls did.  I’ve seen as many boobs as Hugh Heffner, except most were most certainly not Playboy worthy. I learned far too much about what happens when well-endowed women age (considering I was in my mid-20s and still small and perky, it was quite an eye-opener).  Guys’ eyes always lit up when I mentioned that aspect of my job — until I described how cleavage can hang well-past a waistline.

Have you had any unique jobs?