I am NOT Too Old For a Miniskirt

29 Replies

Who do these people think they are telling me I’m too old to wear a miniskirt?  According to some weight-challenged Brits, no one wants to see women’s legs once we have sagged our way to our mid-thirties. A much passed around post in the Daily Mail proclaims 35 is the absolute cut-off for short skirts. Hubby strenuously disagrees with them and is begging me to buy MORE skirts just to prove them wrong.

DietChef, some British diet food distributor (a la Jenny Craig), supposedly administered a poll to 2,000 (British, dieting, and riddled with low self-esteem) women  asking the age at which certain items of clothing are no longer appropriate.

These legs can still rock a miniskirt.

The Results:

  • Bikini, 47
  • Swimsuit, 61 
  • Miniskirt, 35 
  • Long hair, 53
  • Ponytail, 51
  • Boob Tube (aka tube top), 33
  • Stilettos, 51
  • Belly button piercing, 35
  • Knee high boots, 47
  • Trainers (sneakers), 44
  • Leather pants, 34
  • Leggings, 45
  • Ugg boots, 45
  • See-through chiffon blouse, 40


How is it possible that 35 is to old for a miniskirt but a bikini is just fine until age 47? Trust me, the general public would much rather be forced to stare at my legs in a short skirt than my bit of muffin flopping over my bikini bottom. And how is it that a mere 14 years later at the ripe old age of 61 women should no longer even be SEEN in a swimsuit?  What are we supposed to wear, some kind of geriatric swim costume?

Obviously these people have never been to Daytona Beach, home to the never-ending parade of 85-year-old women proudly showing off their tans, tattoos, and sagging cleavage in fluorescent bikinis.  (A few of these former biker babes WAY past their prime have made Hubby shriek and spew Cheetos and Kiddo point as if a painted whale just crawled up from the sea.)

For most women, there is a cut off age depending on her body type and modesty level, but are these pollsters saying that their own Dame Helen Mirren should not be allowed to wear any swimsuit?  She looks better than me (and probably you too) at the “old” age of 65.

I am rather surprised by the late age cut-off for long hair and pony tails.  As soon as I hit 30 my dad told me I was too old for my long locks and informed me I looked much younger once I chopped them off. (I didn’t cut my hair off for him, I just couldn’t handle the then infant Kiddo trying to scalp me as he practiced grasping and pulling.) Should we all be required to go in for weekly set and curls once we hit the big 5-0?   It has to do with style people.  If you are trying to look like you did at 16, you are going to look old and inappropriate.  No matter the length, if your hairstyle is current you can wear it well at any age.

No trainers (sneakers) after 44?  Are we supposed to give up exercising completely or only go to classes like yoga, Pilates, and water aerobics which don’t require shoes? No, that wouldn’t  work either.  Yoga and Pilates are most comfortable in leggings (forbidden after 45) and swimsuits–well, we already discussed that one. And some peoples feet just need to be covered.  I refuse to trade in my walking shoes for colored leather flats with tassels AND pantyhose with shorts.  My (well over 44) M-I-L just tried hiking the LA canyons in leather flats.  BAD idea.  I just won’t do it.

Somehow shorts didn’t even make the list.  How can that be?  Women, heck, little girls even wear inappropriate shorts at all ages.   Have these people never cruised the mall or stepped foot in a Walmart?  The amount of erroneous shorts choices is just appalling.  Some days you just have to stare at the floor to not get freaked out. Oh wait, the list was compiled by Brits–they only wear shorts while on holiday in some sunny, foreign locale.  Try and tell a woman sweltering  through waves of hot flashes in the deep South she is forbidden from wearing shorts.  Do it and run. I dare you.

We should make a list of all the items MEN shouldn’t wear after a certain age.   Starting with:

  • Speedos–forbidden once potty trained–3
  • Make-up and nail polish–16 (or once they drop out of their garage band)
  • High school jerseys, jackets and other paraphernalia–the day after graduation-18
  • Capris–just pick shorts or pants–4 (because it takes a while for their legs to catch up with their waists)
  • Disney themed apparel–10 (any older and they will rightfully get beat up)
  • Heavy fragrance (i.e. Polo, Drakkar Noir)–18 (or when they actually get a girlfriend)
  • Skinny jeans–16 (and a GIRL)
  • Birkenstocks--24 (once they graduate college and/or stop smoking pot)
  • Crocs–10
  • Tank tops–age 8 (or once they stop coming with the matching swim trunks)
  • Sports jerseys–unless you are actually on the field/court/rink don’t do it
  • Bow ties–only with a proper tuxedo and then only black or white
  • Leather pants–never
  • Navy blazers with brass buttons–65 and up only
Are you a rule breaker?

What else should be on the Men’s list?
I’ll be sitting here in my boob tube and miniskirt waiting your reply. 

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29 thoughts on “I am NOT Too Old For a Miniskirt”

  8. Christi

    How about a fanny pack? Definitely no fanny packs!
    By the way, I don't believe I'm too old for a miniskirt or a boob tube either. I am, however, too "fluffy". 🙂
    My recent post Not an Ode

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  9. Crystal

    This has me cracking up! Especially the picture of the lady in the inappropriate shorts and guy in the speedo! Oh, and the 65 year-old in the bikini…I can only wish. I don't even think I looked that good when I was in high school lol.

    I don't have a list but your list is perfect! I can't tell you the last time I wore a skirt of any length and I don't even want to think about a bathing suit! lol.

    Crystal Case

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  10. Sabrina

    If you've got it, let it free, sisters, no matter what the adult age. Anyone seen Sophia Loren at 60?!? Pu-leeese…. Same goes for men. The Sasquatch in the photo who sports the Speedo certainly doesn't, but there are a rare few dudes who can pull that off and actually look normal. Of course, the same neurotic fools who created that list in the first place are the same ones who brainwash our young girls into believing their narrow vision of what beauty should be: thin, sickly, dressed half-naked at 9, followed by Botoxed and fake-boobed by 16. Until small children run away from me screaming, I'll wear what I want to! Hmph. ;o)

    Sabrina

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  12. bekaboo

    With legs like that, you should definitely rock the miniskirts! I certainly would, and I am well over 35. As soon as I saw those stupid poll results, the beautiful Helen Mirren sprang to mind. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule, and I do try not to look like "mutton dressed as lamb". I remember being very disturbed as a 6th grader by my 50 something teacher who wore dittos and platform heels and had a bleached blonde Farrah Fawcett do.

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  17. Kim

    Love the men's list! I also think men of a certain age should NOT to yard work without a shirt on, especially in the FRONT yard! Yuck! Just sayin'…

    Hi! I found you through the Sunday hop and hope you'll hop on over to visit me and follow me back at:
    http://mommychosis.blogspot.com

    Happy Sunday,

    Kim

    Reply ↓
  20. Lady Googoogaga

    LOL – Love the pics! I recently blogged about the poor state of things in my closet – and my hair is so long I look like a lunatic….happy to see I dont have to get a haircut until my 50's!!!!

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  21. Crystal Jigsaw

    Great post! Helen Mirren is incredible for her age and she most definitely looks better than me!! I think if you have a great body with great legs past that tender age of 35 then you should show them off. If you don't however, you should never be afraid to wear what you want. people are too judgemental of others.

    As for the men wearing what they want; I honestly don't think seeing an older guy in a thong is particularly pleasant and would turn me off straight away, lol.

    CJ xx

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  23. Jackie

    LOL! I love it!

    I'm almost 40 could you please tell me what I should be wearing?

    Also…. I wish I looked as good as Helen Mirren does!

    Stopping by from Time Travel Tuesday!

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  25. Mike

    You go ahead and wear your miniskirt up to any age – and I’ll wear my swimming trunks (aka ‘Speedo’). My pet hate with women is visible underwear – whether bra straps or under see-thru garments – and of course any overgarments that don’t cover undergarments – making the tops of knickers visible – of course, this equally applies to men.
    As for me, swimming trunk rules are as follows – they should fit – not be baggy or saggy and their edges should fit with the body – follow groin lines. Horizontal linear swimwear where the top is on the leg, not the trunk, just look ridiculous. So do unsymmetric designs or strappy designs – they serve no purpose. I also dislike the ‘skirtettes’ attached to some one-piece ladies swimsuits.
    My big question though, is, (for those that tolerate men in swimming trunks), which direction should the penis point: up, down, to one side or doesn’t matter ?

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