I am proud to say my son is a Casanova-In-Training. He has had girls chasing him since his first play group at a mere 18-months-old. And he is smart enough to let the right ones catch him, at least for the time being.

Lesson 1: Charm the Mother, and you are home free.
There were always pig-tailed little girls following him around, vying for his attention, then running back to their Mommies in tears when they couldn’t get it. He would bring them a flower he had just picked to make them happy and stop their crying. They would fight over who got to hold his hand. He would explain that they needed to take turns and there was plenty of him to go around. And all the Moms LOVED him. The Little Lover Boy learned that being polite, kind, adorable, and a bit funny charmed even the over-30 set. I have had to promise dates for him ten years in advance.

Lesson 2: Older girls can fall for younger boys.
Cougars in training perhaps? When he was 3, he entered the Early Childhood Education Program at our local high school . So basically he was fawned over and adored by cute teenage girls for several hours each day. Some major neurons were firing in his little brain, and he quickly figured out this was a pretty sweet deal. He had them all wrapped around his tiny little fingers before you could say “Ashton Kutcher is my hero”. Even now we will occasionally bump into one of his “older ladies” and they will gush on about how they will NEVER forget him.

Lesson 3: Chicks dig cool hair.
This was also the year he decided to grow his hair long. I am assuming he could see the “cool” big boys on the campus outside his little playground and figured he could be just like them. The hair set him apart. It gave him a little bit of the bad boy aura. And, well, I guess it kind of made him look like the dude from High School Musical all the girls were swooning over. I’m telling you, this kid is brilliant.

Lesson 5: If a girl has competition, she will fight for you even harder.
At 4 he entered VPK at a tiny school with a class of only seven. I was a bit concerned he would get his ass kicked because he had the dangerous habit of hugging and kissing everyone good-bye each day. No need to worry about my Little Lady Killer though. In less than a week the girls were fighting over who got to hug and kiss him first. They were already flaunting their virtues–one was trying to woo him with her brute strength (she would lift him as she gave him a monster hug and kiss), another was bribing him with treats from her lunch so he would sit next to her, and yet another was sending him home with carefully crafted artwork depicting him as her Prince Charming. That year he was suave yet nonchalant with all of them, giving each at turn at being his favorite for a day, not letting any be excluded from his attentions for too long

Needless to say, my husband is a bit jealous. This kid had snagged more action before the age of 5 than my poor husband did until he met me. I figured that it would all slow down this year in Kindergarten, with public school’s strict policies on touching and appropriate behaviors. I was preparing for the black eye that I was sure to come from some little mean-girl-in-training or jealous bully though.

Not to worry. Instead my 6-year-old son is engaged.

Lesson 6: If you are serious about a girl, prove it by committing?
Her name is Delilah and apparently she is the most beautiful girl in the whole world. First she was just his girlfriend. A few weeks later I was asking how the fair Delilah was doing and my son’s eyes grow wide with adoration as he exclaimed, “I’m going to marry her!” (Pause. Smile. Deep breath.) Really? Have you asked her yet? “Uh, yeah…” Oh…and, what did she say? (Grunt of disbelief) “well YES, of course, ” (rolling eyes). And when, prey tell, do you plan on actually getting married? “Eh, I don’t know. Someday. We haven’t really discussed it.” At that point I gently expounded upon the importance of waiting until AFTER college. So after college it is.

Lesson 7: Let the girl have the freedom to make her own decisions.
Fast forward a month or so. He very carefully climbs into the car after school cradling a blue pottery bowl he made in art class. “I’m going to keep this forever. Some day when I die I’m going to pass it along to my kids…IF Delilah decides to have any.” I do my best not to swallow my gum and hit the stop sign. Liberated and in love. God, I must be doing something right.

Last night we learned they had done the deed. They had kissed. A REAL kiss, on the mouth no less, in the lunchroom. But she didn’t kiss him back, just coyly blew him a kiss across the table when he sat back down. I cannot believe I have not received a phone call from this girl’s father.

Should I just buy him a sports car and a guitar now? I’m more worried I should be buying stock in condoms… We’ve got a LOT of talking to do…