It’s summer break, and my Kiddo is enjoying his first week of our city’s summer day camp program. As an only child, it seems he gets bored and lonely a little quicker than kids with siblings to play with or pester. At 6 1/2 he is an outgoing and social little boy, so since he was finally old enough, I figured it was time for a new experience. I signed Kiddo up for two weeks, just to test the waters, give him something to do, and some other kids to play with.

I did not realize I was sending him to participate in The Lord of the Flies.

Day 1: My sweat-soaked and slightly sunburned son shook his head at me when I arrived and did not want to leave. I told him he could stay longer the next day since he had so much fun.

Day 2: I arrived an hour later, and he put his muddy little hands together as if in a prayer and begged to stay longer. He said he was having too much fun to go home.

Day 3: I was out shopping, ran late, and rushed to pick him up in a guilty panic, assuming he would think I had forgotten about him and left him there for the night. I find him drenched (it had just started to rain), filthy (he IS a little boy), and smiling. He announced he wanted to say in camp ALL summer long. No harm done, right?

In the car he announces that he was in a fight. With a taller kid. And he won. He is beaming.

I’m not sure what to say.

I am kind of mortified…and kind of proud…

I decide to try to get as much information out of him as possible, which is usually like pulling teeth. I keep a calm, interested tone while interviewing him. And wonder how to handle this.

This is a whole new world for me. I was a shy, timid girl and I have never thrown a punch in my life. I just don’t “get” physical fighting. But boys are different. My Hubby would get into fights occasionally when he was a kid and says that is just how boys are. My Dad preached you should never be the one to start a fight, but always be the one to finish it–victoriously, of course.

Today, any form of fighting, especially in school, is considered unacceptable. There is zero tolerance and BOTH participants are likely to be punished, no matter who started it or for what reason. Sure, that’s all well and great in a perfect world where kids are always rigidly supervised, but what about when they are not?

My Kiddo is not a bully and I have no worry that he ever will become one. He is kind, outgoing, and pretty laid back. But I do not want him to BE bullied. I have actually been waiting for the day when he would come home crying because he got punched for giving the wrong kid a hug.

When we talked about fighting, I always said he should avoid physically fighting to the best of his abilities. Try to talk it out, get out of the situation, find a teacher… But what should a boy do if another boy punches him? If he runs away or starts crying he is likely to be bullied and picked on again. If he hits back he risks getting pummeled and/or facing serious consequences.

What’s a boy to do?

At the moment, I’m voting for hitting back. Why shouldn’t kids be allowed to defend themselves? Sure, with another kid on the playground it just may be an issue of social standing, self-confidence, and a bloody nose, but what about in the real world? What if it is a stranger trying to take him off the playground? Shouldn’t we teach our kids to defend themselves and not just stand there, placidly looking for an authority figure to step in, while any number of unimaginable things could happen to them?

I am hoping that my Hubby and I are raising our son with enough moral character, judgment, and self-respect that he will know when it’s time for fight or flight. But then again, now he is only 6.

From the scant bits of information I was finally able to cajole out of the Kiddo, I think he did the right thing. It had just started to rain and the counselors had been busy trying to corral the zillions of campers under pavilions or inside. A bigger kid was picking on and hurting Kiddo’s friend. Kiddo told him to stop. The bigger kid started pushing Kiddo. So he pushed back. In the end, somehow, my lanky little boy was sitting on the bigger kid until he cried, “time out, I’m done.” The fight was over, and my little underdog had prevailed.

I know many parents would be raising a complete fit with the counselors for even “letting” this happen. As long as this remains an isolated incident, I’ll deal with it.

There will always be good kids and bad kids. No matter how much we try to shelter and micromanage our children they will come in contact with each other. It is our responsibility to teach our children how to properly deal with adverse situations by themselves so they can grow into competent and self-sufficient adults.

Well, we can at least try…

It will be time to pick the Kiddo up from camp soon. I will admit I am slightly nervous and more than a tab bit curious… I can’t wait to hear what happened on the playground today.