This morning I had a doctor appointment I have been dreading for months. I’ve been having nightmares about it for a week solid. Not only was it a 45 minute drive to get there but I missed my exit and had to pay double tolls to get there in time. Three minutes after I arrived the nurse announced to the packed waiting room that the doctor was in surgery and running late, our appointments would be pushed back 3 hours, and would we like to wait?

Two minutes later I huffed across the parking lot in full vent mode with my poor hubby on the phone feeling the brunt of my frustration. NO I’m not waiting. NO I’m not driving back. NO I don’t want to reschedule right now–it’s the holidays–I don’t have the TIME! I could feel the blood pulsing as I cranked the ipod up as high as I could without blowing my car speakers and tore out of the parking lot to deal with my other chores.

Three songs and ten miles down the highway I came to a realization. It’s not their fault I live so freaking far away. And I’ve caused that same doctor to be called away from the office for my own emergencies over the years. It’s not their fault it took my insurance company this long to get everything approved and the appointment happened to fall during the holidays. I needed to calm down and get a grip.

Yes, the holidays are already getting to me. I am doing my part to revitalize the economy by heartily supporting wine sales and stress-induced doctor visits.

And forget about the bird–I think I’ve been shot with a turkey injector thrusting anxiety directly into all of my vital organs. Money, family, perfect presents, lavish meals, and never-ending drama, drama, drama…

I passed a billboard flashing “Only 7 days until Black Friday!”

I don’t want to think about waking up at 4 a.m. to push through cranky crowds in an under-caffeinated craze fighting over the last zhu zhu pet. I don’t want to rush from store to store stressing to find the perfect gift for some finicky acquaintance who will most likely end up shoving it in her closet or giving it back to me in a year or two because she forgot I even gave it to her.
But Black Friday rock-bottom prices are how we afford to put a suitable spread under the tree and give everyone enough presents to unwrap. That’ s what Christmas is all about, right?

I have spent countless of hours (and gone through a few cases of wine) trying to please and appease others to no avail. For some reason, this season causes some adults to act like two-year-olds in the midst of a pixie stick and Red Bull induced tantrum. It seems no matter what I say or do, someone is bound to be pissed off. I give up.

I’m just not feeling any of the love, peace, or happiness I wish to everyone each year in our holiday card. Where’s the harmony? The goodwill and charity? Am I the only one that realizes that’s what this damn season is about?

It’s time I take a self-centering step back from the commercialism, gluttony, and emotional blackmail being force fed to me. I need to find my quiet amidst the clamor, the calm in my heart and my soul.

I must seek out and savor the things in life I am truly blessed and thankful for–and there are so many amazing things. I am a lucky woman and I have a wonderful life. (And I think I should watch that movie, now that I think of it…)

I must learn to tune out those who thrive on malevolence and discontent.

I will not allow my self to be stepped on or taken advantage of and I will say “No” kindly yet firmly and without excuses.

I will strive to exude kindness, patience, and understanding to all, even if they are stealing the last Lego Harry Potter wii game while flipping me the bird.

I will focus on the things that really matter–the utter joy on my son’s face when he sits under the glowing tree, the celebrations of friendships both old and new, and the love shared within a family which knows no bounds.

And I will to go to yoga class tomorrow morning and find my OM…