A long time ago in a fantasy land not too far away, there once was a college freshman who longed to escape from both the rigors of college coursework and the protective eyes of her parents for the summer. Some perky and persuasive recruiters combed her campus for the most fresh-faced, malleable, and all-American slave labor students to join their summer internship program. The competition was fierce, so this young and naive freshman pulled out her rows of earrings, wiped off her heavy eyeliner, swore her hair color was natural, and sweet talked the recruiters into paying her minimum wage to spend the summer at
THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH.
THE HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH.
After spending eight weeks sweltering in the Sunshine State’s repressive heat and humidity, this soon-to-be-sophomore had finally been released from indentured servitude and graduated from the world-renown program. As her eyes glazed over from exhaustion, she reflected upon what knowledge she had gained through this highly coveted internship.
She gained an in depth knowledge of International Relations and how to peacefully cohabit with six people from five countries in one cramped charming, smoke-filled apartment. She discovered the French were the heaviest smokers and best cooks by far (and usually at the same time); Norwegians often paid for their extensive clubbing wardrobes and blonde highlights by supplying the International Village with any and every drug imaginable; the Germans and the English battled it out nightly for the fiercely contested title of world beer drinking champions; and much to the chagrin to all the roommates, some Internationals could not be taught to flush soiled toilet paper instead of depositing it in the trash can next to the loo.
She learned to tune-out tolerate the stupid tourists of the world. She was taught not to point but to gesture like a beauty queen waving on a float so she would not offend any foreign guests. As mobs of randy Brazilian youths exited from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride chanting “We wants the Redhead, We wants the Redhead” in her face, she learned how control her temper and not knee them in the groin. Eventually her conscience was numbed to the guilt of bilking a family of four out of a hundred bucks for cheap ponchos, a roll of film, and two plastic swords. She specialized in repressing snarky comments when at least fifty-nine overheated and under-deodorized guests per day asked, “What time is the Three O’clock Parade?” Vodka helped.
She discovered the magic was merely a carefully crafted facade, and nearly everyone in life was assigned a role to play. While sweating in her polyester pirate costume, she smiled and posed for photos with Japanese businessmen and hoped the images wouldn’t end up on bedside tables or the internet. She learned not to be shocked when she caught Tweedle Dum groping Alice or Tigger wandering wasted through the garbage-filled underground tunnels. She never looked at fairy tales the same after she caught Cinderella in her underwear, smoking a cigarette, and swearing like a drunken sailor. Childhood dreams are fragile and easily shattered.
After she carelessly shoved her hard-earned Mouster’s Degree into her luggage, she changed back into her own clothes and personality for the journey into the park to say her good-byes. She rode the shuttle bus to the park’s employee entrance for the last time and knowingly strolled to her former outpost. With the help of a few like-minded cohorts, she placed the tiny noose around the stuffed Mickey Mouse’s neck and let him dangle lifelessly in the air.
The dream was officially dead. She had graduated back into the real world.
My goodness! What an experience straight out of college!
Killer last line- it's shocking out here, isn't it?!
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LOL!! I never would have guessed that about Norwegians. Very insightful. If I ever have the pleasure of taking my daughter to this magical place, I will enjoy it in ways I never dreamed before. I might actually like Cinderella now:)
Very fun to read. "She discovered the magic was merely a carefully crafted facade and nearly everyone in life was assigned a role to play." Money can't buy this kind of education!
There are days when I long to go back to that magical dream world of childhood….but I've earned my place in the real world.
I'm pretty sure that I would never be okay with the soiled toilet paper not being flushed.
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That certainly would be an eye-opening experience for a college sophomore.
(And yay! I can finally comment!).
"She discovered the magic was merely a carefully crafted facade and nearly everyone in life was assigned a role to play." Beautiful line. I really enjoyed reading this.
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Very interesting post. BTW I am French and I don't smoke ( hate it). What an experience! It's a life experience she will never forget!
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A very interesting take on the whole Disney empire. I've always wanted to know what it would be like to work there. We are going back in a few weeks and I'm sure I'll remember your post when I see Cinderella.
It's always disappointing to see the man behind the curtain.
But it's still magical when you don't know the truth.
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Fun! What insight you got during your experience. I love the hanging of Mickey. That? Is awesome. Nothing let getting back to reality…
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That was hilarious! You definitely earned your ears…LOL
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An interesting response to the prompt. Lots of voice in this piece!
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Oh life and the turns it throws at you. Great post. Made me a little less sad that I couldn't fit the Disney Internship into my schedule
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yeah!
Good for you. Not saying that all French smoke (and certainly not that all Norwegians have an interesting side job) they just happened to that summer. And yes, it was quite an experience to say the least.
And I didn't even GET a set of ears that summer! Just a silly little Mouster's Degree.
Oh God the horrible horrible jobs we take for the sake of "experience!" Must remember to warn my eldest about the Disney thing – he's trying to get an internship at a local church for the summer. That'll be better…right? LOL
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I love it! I so wanted to do that internship in college…but maybe it's good that I didn't? I mean, your experience sounds amazing, but a little of the magic may have died, huh? Ha! I don't think I'll ever look at Cinderella the same way again either.
Great post! I'm stopping by from TRDC.
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I always wondered what it would be like to work for the Mouse. But now I'm kinda glad I never found out! It does kind of kill the magic of it all doesn't it?
My daughter desperatly wants in to this program! I will have to show her this post. Hahaha. Thanks for sharing!
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I enjoyed this! I spent a summer working in Bryce Canyon National park, which also had cozy assigned bunkmates of various nationalities, mostly Thai, and Lithuanian. While our training was not as rigorous or pointed, I totally identify with walking out of the park, peeling off my mask, and wanting to at least hang an effigy! Great post.
My Daughter worked for the Mouse in Anaheim,as just a regular employee, she referred to it as working for Nazi mouse. Visiting from Mama Kat's
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What a great post! My oldest is currently a sophomore at the University of Kansas and this is such a great reminder that life's best lessons are never learned inside the walls of any institution. Visiting from Mama Kat's.
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You captured my attention at the get go. Sounds like a wonderful (if challenging) experience! Stopping by from Mama Kat's.
My friend works for the mouse to this day – she waitresses at one of the resorts. I think she would quit if the benefits were not so great.
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Hilarious! I liked WDW when I was there (all four times at this point) but I've never been the kind to LOVE WDW. This look at the not so magical "magic kingdom" was refreshing. Stopped by from Mama Kat's.
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