Mother’s Day Marlarkey

33 Replies

This year my family will kneel down before me as I sit regally upon my alter.  They shall lay flowers, honeyed cakes and wine at my feet to honor my years of cleaning up baby poo, puke puddles, and those inevitable drops of pee all boys must leave on the bathroom floor.  They will sacrifice an animal (perhaps a fish or a fowl) and prepare a feast beyond my wildest imagination.   I will spend the day luxuriously wallowing in creature comforts and obscene pampering as a tribute to my exalted status as Goddess of Fertility and Creation a.k.a. “Mother”.

 Goddess

I really do have this costume.
Perhaps I should wear it and start a new Mother’s Day fashion trend?

Then I will wake up from this lavish dream, most likely due to a cat walking across my face. I will be handed a donut and a card purchased the night before at Walmart and spend the morning home alone with  Kiddo because Hubby has a soccer match.  I will do a load of laundry, clean the kitchen, and make the bed.  I will stare at my feet and wish I had a pedicure while I try to motivate myself to go to the gym later.  I will pour juice and prepare snacks.  I will scrub cat yak off the rug, water the wilting landscaping, and yank some stubborn weeds from the garden.  Even though Hubby has the best of intentions, I will end up cooking dinner after he asks me so many questions I just kick him out of the kitchen to get it done faster.

Just another day in the life…

But really–I don’t WANT any overpriced guilt gifts on Mother’s Day (including a $5 card).   I know my family loves me…at least most of the time when I’m not yelling or threatening to take away their video game time or feeding them tofu.   I didn’t buy my own Mother or Mother-In-Law any fancy gifts.   (My amazing Mom doesn’t expect anything so I grew her a pot of herbs.  My Mother-In-Law does expect something grand so I bought her a plant she can grow herself.)

Even founder of the U.S. holiday,  Anna Jarvis, spent her life and fortune fighting the rampant commercialization which overshadowed her intentions.   Arrested for disturbing the peace in a 1948 protest against the over-commercialized occasion, she said she “wished she would have never started the day because it became so out of control …”

The best gift my boys could give me–the gift I would brag about far and wide and remember forever–would be for them to clean the house.  Bathrooms especially.  Meanwhile I would be left alone to sit by the pool or in the hammock with an icy cider and good book.  Forbid me from writing blog posts, chapters, or resumes.  Better yet, just keep the computer turned OFF.  Hubby could grill some burgers and corn on the cob for dinner and he and Kiddo could promise NOT to fight over the Wii.

Life would be grand…hint, hint…

What would make your toes curl in delight this Mother’s Day?

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you amazing women out there…and may your families honor the inner Goddess in you each and every day…

33 thoughts on “Mother’s Day Marlarkey”

  3. wosushi

    I grew up in a house where we didn't "celebrate" any of the traditional overly commercialized holidays. We did special things for Mom when the mood struck us (which was more than once a year). And often, it involved cleaning the house 🙂

    Hope you get some appreciation this weekend, and in weekends to come. 😉

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  5. Jennifer Shirk

    The beginning of your post was a crack up!! LOL
    All I want is a nice relaxing day where I don't have to cook. I'm a simple kind of gal too. 🙂
    Happy Mother's Day!

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  6. Nancy Davis Kho

    I'm writing this while high on oven cleaner fumes so forgive any ramblings…the full kitchen cleanup being just the tip of the mother's day weekend iceberg. First of all, thanks for using the word Malarkey, I think you probably know how I feel about that. Second, YES. It's a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of some children and a husband would rather watch them clean up than almost any other thing. I hope you get what you want for Mother's Day. Because for the other 364 days of the year, you isn't.
    My recent post Mothers Day- Actions- Not Words

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  7. Astra

    I think you should wear your goddess gown (costume) while eating your donut, doing the laundry, tidying the house and landscape, THEN head to the soccer pitch in it! I'm with you, though, I'm not looking for a big deal – but a small shift in my universe would be ok with me…. Happy Mother's Day!
    My recent post Transfer of Ownership

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  8. Jenn

    Love your writing! This is too funny! I, personally, would like to be left alone on Mother's Day. I remember as a kid my mom would always say, "All I want for my birthday is to be left alone!" I never understood, or believed her. Now I do. I want to be left alone, and I don't want to feel guilty for being alone! Guilt-free alone time? Priceless!

    I am now following your blog! If you get the chance, stop by mine at http://.misadventuresinmotherhood.com

    I write a humorous blog about the joys, trials, and tribulations of motherhood, and it's usually good for a chuckle or two! God bless, and hope you get your clean house for Mother's Day!

    Smiles, Jenn
    http://.misadventuresinmotherhood.com
    My recent post I told you to get your HANDS out of your BUTT!!!

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  10. Mom

    On our journey through motherhood one of the best gifts to receive is the knowledge that your children think you did a pretty good job or raising them. This realization may take many years, usually occurring after they leave home and get a taste of the "real world". The children may not come out and say, "Good job mom" (but it has been known to happen). You know by the little things they say and do. You know by how they look at the world, treat others and handle themselves as they experience life.

    This gift came to me not all at once, but in many little gifts over the years of my journey. I cherished the moment each time I recieved one.

    On the day my Grandkiddo was born my amazing daughter began her journey through motherhood. She is traveling the road well and I know she will be receiving many little gifts along the way as I did.

    Happy Mother's Day Sweetie!

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  13. Tina

    Great post, Kerry! Happy Mother's to you!
    Funny coz I have that Goddess costume too! But I really don't have to wear it on Mother's Day. LOL. My hubby and daughters always see the Goddess in me everyday, esp. on Mother's Day. It is one of those few days of the year when my hubby cooks for me and gives me flowers (which he promised to do til we grow old)…and my daughters make cards & handmade gifts and do everything I ask them to. No fancy gifts or whatsoever but I really feel extra pampered on Mother's Day, and I love it!

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  16. Gigi

    I LOVED this!

    I keep getting asked, "what do you want for your special day?" Well, duh! If I have to ask then what is the point?

    As it is, I know I am loved and revered (or they better act like it anyway, dammit!) and what more could a mother ask for?

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  22. Jeannette

    Really enjoyed your post! Happy MOther's Day! Thanks for joining the Finding New Friends Weekend Blog Hop! I am following you now. Please join us again next weekend!

    Jeannette

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  23. Jody

    Loved your post. I wrote one about Mother's Day Wishes and had hoped that after the traditional Mother's Day brunch I would get an entire afternoon to myself. Alas my son is sick so I got minimal sleep last night and am up feeding them breakfast at 7am instead of sleeping in. Also wondering if I'll even get to go to brunch or have any time to myself this afternoon. Mother's Day never seems to go as planned! Hope you get some time to yourself to read and more importantly I hope you get the kids not to fight for a day!__Jody

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  24. aka_vinobaby

    Welcome to all of you new followers and thanks to everyone for all the comments. I hope you are all enjoying your Mother's Day. Around here Kiddo has a slight temp so he is glued to the wii instead of at soccer with Hubby. I got a (slightly stale) donut in bed (it's the thought that counts, right?) and some adorable handmade cards. Hubby claims he took notes and will be cleaning the bathrooms (YEAH!!!) before grilling some burgers tonight.

    Have a fabulous day!

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  25. Jennifer

    I found you through Momentum and left this comment there, but thought I would pop over to your corner of the blogging world and leave the comment here as well:

    I hear you. My hubby too has the best of intentions… I woke up to a big breakfast (and an even bigger kitchen mess that’s still awaiting clean up). Oh well. Can’t have it all.

    Happy Mother’s Day.

    My recent post On Being A Mom

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  28. Niccole LoMonaco

    That was truly amazing writing and totally funny too. I wish too my family would clean the bathrooms. Oh well a girl can dream right!
    Hope your Mothers Day was Great!!!!

    Niccole LoMonaco

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  30. Desperate Housemommy

    I'll just be up-front and say that I wanted to comment on your "Today was a Good Day" post but had technical difficulties. So I'll comment on this post instead. I am with you on the "clean the house for me as a Mother's Day gift" concept. But, to be clear, I wouldn't turn down any kind of bauble that is thrown my way either. Just saying.

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  31. aka_vinobaby

    I know. I'm working on the comment issue. I THOUGH this intense debate/comment luv thing was great until it didn't work anymore. Thanks for reading…and no, I wouldn't turn down any bauble either…

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