Why I Can’t Find a REAL Job {Part 1}

 It’s no big secret that I have been hunting for a job to supplement our income and give me a bit of my own life back. 
I’ve only applied for five jobs so far but my phone has yet to ring with opportunity.  Perhaps it’s time to start applying for the jobs listed below.  All are real and unedited jobs(except to remove locations and numbers) I found on my local Craigslist yesterday. 
Don’t blame the lack of grammar or morals on me…

Bikini Carwash

We are now hiring girls to wash and detail cars in their bikinis.. If you are pretty, look good in your bikini, are loud, have a flirty attitude, and can stand in the sun all day we want you!!!!
We are Rise & Shine Carwash located at XXXX at the Citgo gas station at the corner of Old XX Highway. We have two shifts 11-3 & 3-7.. or you can work all day!!
You will make all of your tips which range anywhere from 20$- 100$ a day… Its really up to you.. if you need are serious please respond to my add with the days and times that you are available
and a picture so i know what you look like and I will respond with my phone number…. Talk to you soon
 

Compensation: Tips..$40.00-$ 100.00 per day 


seeking apprentice for body modification

for any or all of these fields:
Piercing
3D Body Implants
Branding Ear Pointing
Shaped Punches
Transdermal Implants
I’m a very motivated, dependable and reliable person. This is a path that I would like to otake to help shape the rest of my life. Please contact me with anything you think may be of interest to me. 

compensation: n/a

ATTRACTIVE LADIES WITH COMMUNICATION SKILLS MAKE A $1000.00 WEEKLY

Growing company looking for attractive women between the ages of 18-35 to work for our bikini maid services…You can make your own schedule and we have morning, afternoons, and night shifts available. The job consist of performing light house chores. You can make a $1000 plus tips a week working part time!!! Serious applicants please send us a pictures of your face and full body!! NO NUDE Pictures necessary!!!If you have any other questions don’t hesitate to ask… 


Body wax\bleaching assistant needed

I am looking for an assistant. I have been doing bodywaxing for over 11 years. I am slowly expanding my business. I’m also looking for volunteers to train on with students. I am willing to pay the volunteers for their time. I work in and cater to the adult industry so my assistant would have to be ok in that setting. It pays from $300- $500 a week. No experience necessary I will train.(ladies only)



Cleaning/Janitorial

A CLEANING COMPANY F IS IN NEED OF 2 PERSONS MEN and WOMAN PREFER IF THEY ARE HUSBAND AND WIFE TEAMS. DUTIES ARE TRASH COLLECTION, SWEPT FLOORS, DUSTING,VACCUM CARPET CLEANING, AND ABOUTH TWISE A YEAR CARPET TREATMENT EXPERIENCE AND STRIPP AND WAX EXPERIENCE REQUIRE HAVE OWN TRANSPORTATION., NEED GOOD DRIVING RECORD. BACKGROUND CHECK.
THIS IS A PART TIME BASE ON 2 OR 3 HOUR DEPENDING IN YOUR SKILLS
PREFER IF LIVE CLOSED TO THE JOB SITE THE HOURS START AT 8:00PM
NO ALARM SETTING CODE.,ONLY KEYS FOR ACCES
PLEASE LIVE ME A TEXT. MESSAGE AT xxxxxxxxx BE ESPESIFIC ON THE TEXT,IF LIVE CLOSED BY HOW FAR.,IF HAVE TRANSPORTATION.,IF HAVE EXPERIENCE

Compensation: $7.50 AN HOUR X 2 OR 3 HOUR A DAY X 7 DAYS A WEEK 

Experienced Pet Bather

All Creatures Pet Grooming is looking for an experienced pet bather. Must have worked in the field for 2 years, have knowledge with ear flushing, gland expression,  and different skin problems. Part time

  • Compensation: $9-10 per hour

female model or like model

Seeking a female model or like model that wants to suppliment her income or is looking for a great supporter. Must be intelligent, highly independent lifestyle, classy and single, be willing to travel occassionally, and ready to climb the ladder of success, whatever it may take…someone motivated to succeed in life. Please email photo.
I need only real people, fakes and criminals keep out.

  • Compensation: TO DISCUSS

Real Couples for TV show $$

Divorce Court is looking for married couples on the verge of divorce, or feuding couples that have been living together for at least 3 years. If you are a great talker, and want to bring your story to our show, please call us. Both sides have to participate. We will pay 570 dollars for each side in the argument, and we will cover your flight and hotel in Los Angeles. We want your story ASAP!

  • Compensation: $570 per person  

    I wonder if I could get a call back from any of these jobs?  Doubtful.  Maybe I should send a bikini shot along with my next resume…

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24 thoughts on “Why I Can’t Find a REAL Job {Part 1}

  1. ManhattanBeachMomma

    Hi Visiting your blog via SITS. Glad I did, I love your blog. One of my friends, Lisa, has been searching for a real job (unlike the others you posted above) for two years. She once set up a fake Craig's List ad posting a job to see what kind of responses she got so she could compare her resume to others. If you're interesting in reading it, let me know & I'll send you the link. Good luck to you on your job search.

    Reply
  2. Abby

    I would like to respond to his "ADD" (ADHD?) as my need "are serious" and I can be loud. I think I qualify? If that doesn't work, I'll just take my bikini-wearing sass over to the bikini maid services.

    Personally, I think they all should be placing ads (not ADDs) for editors or offering themselves out to be part of clinical psychology trials, as they might have a better response rate.
    My recent post More Kid Free Living

    Reply
  3. aka_vinobaby

    But I don't like cleaning my own house…and I"m not very good at it. I don't think some creepy old guy leering with me while I scrub his toilet is worth ANY amount of $$. Ick!

    Reply
  4. aka_vinobaby

    Somehow I never pictured myself working for someone who is obviously illiterate. Not with my college edumication and everything. {sigh} You go work that bikini, Girl.

    Reply
  5. aka_vinobaby

    You are evil and sadistic for even suggesting that! I am terrified of a bikini wax by a professional–no way I'm going to let some novice wax my muff, thank you.

    Reply
  6. ManhattanBeachMomma

    body {word-wrap: break-word; background-color:#ffffff;}
    Oh yes, I understand that..just meant they aren't intended for the average sane job seeker!

    Sent via DROID on Verizon Wireless

    —–Original message—–

    Reply
  7. RaRa

    I was disappointed to see that the pet bather job didn't require working in a bikini. I don't think that one's worth your time.

    Reply
  8. aBookForMyDaughter

    This is the most absurd (and hysterical) list of jobs I have ever seen. I can't believe that you found all of these jobs in your local area. It makes me wonder what's on my craigslist—I may even check it out. Good luck on the job hunt! I wish I had some advice to give, but all i know is that it takes time.
    My recent post An Unplanned Life

    Reply

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