Monthly Archives: October 2011

Dirty Minds as Dick Has Fun With Jane

Just before Kiddo started learning to read I found a Storybook Treasury of Dick and Jane at our library book store. (BTW the BEST place to build a kids personal book collection on the cheap while you support your local public library branch.)

I vividly remember sitting at my kindergarten table and reading from my paperback Dick and Jane reader. I snatched that book up and brought it home imagining hours of bonding with my child while fondly reminiscing about my own childhood.

Instead I learned that the Hubby and I have very dirty minds. It was the end of our innocence.

We always read to Kiddo before bed. Dick and Jane seemed to be the perfect book to get him started reading to us. Simple little stories about Dick and his sister Jane’s adventures with Baby Sally and Spot and the whole vintage clan. A new word or two is introduced in each chapter and the stories slowly build word recognition and reading skills.

Except it became too damn hard to keep a straight face and not start giggling…especially after a glass of wine.

See, Baby.
See, see.
Oh, oh, oh.
Oh, Dick.
Look and see.
See Baby.

Sounds like something from the latest Top Ten sexually infused rap/pop song, right?

From Puff and Dick:

Come Baby.
Look up, Baby
Look up and see Puff.
Look up and see Dick.
See Dick go up.
See Dick go up, up, up.
Oh, Jane.

See Dick come down.

See Puff come down.
Down, down, down.
Oh, oh, oh.
See Puff come down.

I swear, we were both biting our bottom lips and struggling not to bust out laughing. Come on.

Jane said, “Oh, Dick.
I cannot find the balls.
Come, Dick, come.
Come and find the balls.”
Dick said, “I see it.
I see the big ball.”
Jane said, “Oh, Dick…”

Or how about:

Come, come.
Come and see.
See Father and Mother.
Father is big…

Couldn’t they change Dick’s name to Tom or Harry? Okay, maybe not Harry…and certainly not Willy. I had to have a lovely discussion with Kiddo about how some boys are named Willy and it is not because they resemble a penis. How about Floyd or Milton or Roger…no innuendos hiding in those names.

Since we are past the days of Dick and Jane in our house, I am generously going to pass along this treasure to another family. And I can’t wait to hear if they have dirty minds too.

The Homemade Jedi Costume: A Jedi Seamstress, Am I

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The Force runs strong in this family.

DIY Star Wars Jedi Costume

The father’s devotion was passed down to his son. Much like his father, he is.

Star Wars is holy in our home.

Whether it is vintage toys and classic movies or Legos and The Clone Wars, we seem to live, eat (yes, we even have table ware) and breath the ways of the Force.

It was a given that my young one would choose to be something Star Wars for Halloween. The ready made costumes were cheesy and too expensive. Being the inexperienced seamstress and incompetent crafter that I am, I decided I would try to make a Jedi costume in no time at all and for a fraction of the price.

Do not underestimate the powers of a woman on a budget.

$15? No thanks.

I asked my M-I-L, an accomplished seamstress, for help and advice
(since I am afraid of my sewing machine’s vast powers).
She said we had to BUY a pattern. You cannot sew anything without a proper pattern.

That is not how I roll.

Patience. Use the Force. Think.

I harnessed the power of the internet to guide me on my quest. I googled the instructions.

There is no try. Only do or do not.

Eventually, I used two yards of cheap fabric, some photos from one of our many Star Wars books, and this easy to follow How to Make a Jedi Robe tutorial to whip up a Jedi costume for my young Padawan Apprentice.

jedi robe tutorial, star wars costume, homemade jedi costume 2

Okay, perhaps “whip up” may be a bit of an exaggeration.
It took me about two days of fighting with my cursed machine to figure this out,
but in the end, it wasn’t rocket science or like trying to fix a hyperdrive.

Even our animals feel the way of the Force, they do.

jedi costume, halloween, darth vader and jedi

My chosen one, his powerful light saber drawn, as he confronts the dark side.

(Who knew Darth Vader liked candy?)

A happy one, is he…

This project was pretty easy. If you want to buy a Star Wars costume for your little fan,

check these out!

Wish You Were Here

Filet tastes on a franks & beans budget: My October Challange

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While ~~wasting time~~ being productive on twitter last week, I stumbled upon a tweet which piqued my interest.

Groceries? Money? I followed the link to the Official USDA Food Plans: Cost of Food at Home at Four Levels. After I pushed my jaw back up from my chest, I found the information exceptionally interesting. According to these scientifically and mathematically formulated charts, my little family of three should be spending at the grocery store each month:

$4880 – thrifty plan
$633.90 – low-cost plan
$783.80 – moderate plan
$964.40 – liberal plan

$964 per month? We’d have to be dining on filet mignon with a side of every off-season fruit and veggie sauteed in truffle butter each night for dinner. Maybe some homemade tiramisu as well (that darned marscapone cheese IS expensive). I could make all the recipes I wanted to try — like truffled deviled eggs — from the new Cook Like A Rock Star cookbook I am reviewing for Bookshelf Bombshells. I would never have to clip another coupon in my life.

Now, these numbers are assuming all monthly means and snacks are prepared at home. Hubby and Kiddo brown-bag lunch and we almost never eat out, so these number should mesh, right?

I am not about to reveal our wine budget.

You must possess top secret wino clearance to be privy to that information.

What a fabulous idea. I believe I will.

I blogged last year about my grocery shopping addiction. If you haven’t read that post yet, you should — it explains my love affair with grocery stores and the rush I get when I score fabulous deals. Not all of us can climb mountains, jump out of perfectly good airplanes, or afford a vicious drug habit — a girl has to get her thrills somewhere. Everyone needs some hobbies, and well, I love food and I have a puney budget, so I have learned to make due.

I am nowhere near an extreme couponer; those people are certifiably crazy and I’m sure there will be an official disease named for them soon (couponaholic? suffering from extreme unnecessary stockpiling syndrome?). I do not illicit looks of terror form the cashiers when they see me coming.

I shop at three stores. I hit Costco for frozen meats, paper goods, and sometimes produce. I go to Publix for whatever is on sale (BOGO dry goods, frozen foods, and a tiny bit of meat and produce), and I use Aldi for just about everything else (milk, eggs, produce, and many other things are ALWAYS cheaper there). Oh, and I hit the Entenmann’s outlet for bread and bagels ($1 for whole grain Arnold breads and Thomas’ bagels, okay).

Yes, this takes some extra time, but time I have, money I don’t. It works for us.

So this month I am going to save all of my grocery receipts so I can discover what I really spend on food. I don’t have a set budget; I buy whatever is on sale. Some weeks I spend next to nothing, some weeks I stock up. I will be curious to see how it really evens out.

I am also starting will a full pantry and freezers (they are always full). Technically, we could go an entire month without shopping and not starve, but that would just be no fun. I will shop as per normal.

I have a couple of birthday parties and family entertaining events to work in this month. How much will that add to the bottom line? I’ll find out and let you know.

This should be interesting. And I will see if I have to eat my words…