My words, My Voice

I joined a monthly writer’s meet-up group about a year ago.  I haven’t attended each month. I wasn’t allowed. If I hadn’t cranked out enough words on my manuscript that month, I didn’t consider myself a real writer. Slacker — yes, but writer — no.

Since I finished draft #1, I figured I damn well earned the title.

In real life, I am a wallflower. Seriously shy. My mouth might as well be duck-taped shut around strangers. At all of the previous meetings I attended I sat quietly, lips zipped, listening to electrical engineers and actresses, karate instructors and math professors read a short piece of writing.  

Their writing.

Some of their diverse pieces were amazing. Some…not so much.

But I’ve never shared my own work.

Last night I finally let them hear my voice.

It was a total last minute decision. I planned to bring in the first few pages of my novel, edited. Since last week was a giant clusterfluck, that didn’t happen. Concerned I would soon be perceived as some kind of wanna-be-writer-stalker, I figured they deserved to read something from me. A half-hour before I had to leave, I alternated printing 25 copies of a blog post while prepping a quick gourmet meal for the family (premade bbq chicken and tater tots — whoohoo!).

I last spoke before an audience back in college, and I refuse to mention exactly how long ago that was. My feet tapped, my stomach knotted, my heart thought I was running a 5k. I tried yoga breathing and sipped on endless mugs of hot tea in a vain attempt to stay calm. (No wine available. Damn. I guarantee that would have loosened my tongue.) 

I didn’t throw up. Though I really wanted to.

And I did it.

I read my Swimsuit Shopping {Part one: the Grey Hair} post. If it was funny enough for Scary Mommy, it should work for a bunch of part-time hacks, right?

The audience laughed on cue. I received a (minor) ovation at the close. They wrote positive, encouraging words on their reading copies (and corrected only one typo) before they shuffled the pages back down the tables to me. 

Hallelujah.

The woman next to me commented about how “candid” my essay was. Candid? Obviously she was unfamiliar with the blogosphere. As I scanned through  my published posts trying to find an accurate example of my writing, I gravitated towards humor. I can laugh at myself just fine. There was no way I could have read any of my truly candid posts, presented my tales of heartbreak or grief  for all to critique. Funny how they are far too personal to read aloud to a few dozen strangers, yet I can write them for the world to read and judge.

Hopefully next month I will have my chance to get some feedback on my ‘real’ writing.  I think I may throw up that night.

It gets easier each time, right?


36 thoughts on “My words, My Voice

  1. Anne

    Congratulations! I don't know if I would be so brave. Somehow it's easier to hit "publish" on a blog post when I don't have to actually see the faces of the people reading!
    My recent post Being Sick

    Reply
  2. cravesadventure

    Hang in there:) You will find your voice more each time you get up there and let it out! Thanks for sharing – it can be rewarding as well as challenging:)

    Reply
  3. Abby

    If your voice is 1/10 as strong in person as it is online, you have absolutely nothing to be nervous about. That was a huge step, and yes, it gets easier every time. But even if it's still a challenge or the next round of feedback isn't as great, just learn from every experience. That's the only way you grow!

    Reply
  4. Gigi

    Wow, good for you! I couldn't do it. Nope. No way. I even dither over whether or not to hit publish every time (no matter whether it is a deeply personal topic or just fluff). There is no way I could share it with a roomful of people looking at me. You get a standing ovation from me.

    Reply
  5. oursweetlifetogether

    Standing o from me. I would have thrown up. It takes me a very long time to hit publish. Yeah you did great now grab your Vino it is time.

    Reply
  6. Runnermom-jen

    Ugh, I hate public speaking…I get all nervous, and sweaty, and trip over my own words. And then my face gets REALLY red, and then I sweat even more…seriously, I can feel your pain.
    Very proud of you for going for it!
    My recent post The Box

    Reply
  7. The Sisterhood

    Glad to be stopping by from Yeah Write because I have found yet another great blog to follow. I commend you on your sharing at your group. My stomach roiled a little for you.

    Can't wait to stop back around and see more of your writing. Loved your bio. -Ellen

    Reply
  8. Sarcasm Goddess

    Wow. Go you! You took a HUGE step toward growing as a writer. It's always nerve-wracking having other people read out stuff, but to me, there is something especially scary about reading our stuff out loud….waiting for reactions, interpreting facial expressions. Yikes! I have anxiety just thinking about it.

    Congratulations! That is seriously awesome sauce.

    Reply
  9. onceinalifetimetravel

    Brava! I have been too chicken to put some of my most personal stuff out there. I am now officially inspired.

    Reply
  10. Alison

    That is so brave of you! I could never, ever, read any one of my blog posts aloud, even to an audience of one. That audience being my 2 year old. I know you'll hit it out of the park with your next reading!

    Reply
  11. Kimberly S.

    Congratulations on conquering your fear. It will get easier and each risk you take will boost your confidence (at least that's what the professionals at some psych site say…and I believe it). 🙂 the thought of swimsuit shopping destroys me…your story is funny…I am just shaking my head at the thought of swimsuit shopping with a toddler in tow.

    Reply
  12. Kindred Aventures

    I am sure you were far more amazing then you think. It was so brave of you to stand up and read that piece. It is WAY more different in real life… it's real. You are vulnerable. I am happy you took the first step. Yes, I think it gets easier. Good luck brave lady!! -LV

    Reply

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