As the 2013 holiday shopping season kicks into high gear, I’ve been scouring Amazon for the most unusual gifts in cyberspace. Let me tell you—there are bizarre toys and gifts out there, and I’ve culled some of my *favorites* for your shopping pleasure. ::ahem:: A few of these products are rather ingenious. Others are crude and gross beyond belief (which means I’m sure many kids would love them). Will Santa be placing any of these presents under your tree?
Daddle (the saddle for Dads) This one falls under the ingenious category. Some dads will probably love this. (That bit of padding will save their backs from bony kid bottoms). Others might feel slightly offended that fatherhood has rendered them to farm animal status. Either way, it could make for some entertaining Christmas morning video—just practice the toddler riding skills a safe distance from the Christmas tree.
Prank Star Poo-dough Just what every parent wants to see—their kid mushing a pile of poo on the kitchen table. This “delightful” gift even comes with two tones of brown dough so you can customize (the manufacturer suggests adding yellow dough so you can create corn kernels and peanuts). What parent wouldn’t love this? N.A.S.T.Y.
Canned Unicorn Meat This isn’t real meat—unicorn, mystery, or other. Instead, you open the can to discover a dismembered stuffed unicorn. The bottom of the can pops right off so you don’t even need a can opener. Perfect for the little girl with an unhealthy obsession with unicorns? Thank you, ThinkGeek.
Canned Dragon Meat From the package: “The most dangerously delicious meat on Earth. From the Sisters of Radiant Farms, Scotland. One can contains 100% of your daily value of havoc, terror, inferno, destruction, magic, and rage. Also contains trace amounts of poetry and ballet. (*That part I like.) Warning: This is not an actual food item and is non-edible. There’s a stuffed dragon head inside the can. (SPOILERS!)”
Despicable Me 2 Exclusive Banana Scented Fart Gun I may be one of the only people with kids who has NOT seen Despicable Me (one or two). Apparently, a fart gun plays a role in the movie(s). (My hubby just confirmed that it’s VERY funny.) So, if you have minion fans in your house, why not get them their own Fart Gun. Not only does this toy gun makes a variety of fart noises, but it smells of banana. Hey, you can pair this up with the poo dough!
Pig Out Pete Game Plump Pete moves around, making gross sounds and throwing up plastic food. Players must match the food Pete upchucks with the color of food in their slime tray. Billed as a “skill and action game.” Batteries required.
Gassy Gus A Gut-Busting Game that’s a blast! Players use cards to feed Gus all sorts of gaseous foods – from broccoli to baked beans. With each tasty dish, players pump up Gus and watch his belly grow bigger until he has a blow-out. Players get a stinky penalty. Whoever feeds Gus all his food wins.
*Theses last two ‘games’ sound like recipes for early-childhood eating disorders.*
‘I Heart Guts’ Designer Plush Organ Figures So how about instead you teach your kids about the good thing their guts can do? Every kid wants a Immense Intestine Plush – Go With Your Gut!or a Big Brain Plush – All You Need Is Lobe! to snuggle up with each night. If your kids approaching puberty, why not explain the birds and the bees with Womb Service Uterus Plush
or Having a Ball Testicle Plush . Yes, you can cuddle up with everything from a set of stuffed lungs to a cute little sperm. Unless you are a kid bravely battling a health issue, the question is why would you?
Doggie Doo This game is back from the last list of different, disturbing, and slightly disgusting toys. Kids feed and walk the little plastic pup. When they squeeze his leash he makes a gassy sound that gets louder and louder until…plop! You have your own, fresh doggie doo. The first to clean up after the dog three times wins. I wonder if it is scented? Manufactures must think kids are obsessed with poo.
Blue Raspberry Rock Candy Crystals (1 Pound Bag) This year candy coal in the stocking is totally passe. Breaking Bad has brought back the iconic (and often home-cooked) rock candy. Hopefully your kid is NOT a Breaking Bad fan, but devotes of the show will appreciate this high-grade bag of crystals. I’d bet any kid would get a heck of a sugar high from ingesting this quantity sugary crack—but all perfectly legal. Perhaps this would be a better gift for your adult B.B. fan friends.
Crib Dribbler There’s a new trend in baby-training: the crib dribbler. Just attach to the side of the crib, fill with your infant’s favorite formula, water, or energy drink, and like magic—a hands free feeding solution.
Yes, this is a PRANK. It’s actually just an empty box—your real gift goes inside. Come on, can’t you just imagine your pregnant sister-in-laws eyes widening when she unwraps this on Christmas day? Or how about tucking the handmade, 100% organic baby blanket you made for your slightly crunchy friend’s baby shower inside? Make sure you have a camera rolling to catch the gasps.
So, are any of these products going on your holiday shopping list?