Author Archives: Kerry Ann

I’m building an ark…and filling it with books and wine

I’ve been rather quiet here in the virtual world. The “real” world has become rather messy lately, and I’ve temporarily realigned my priorities. {ehem}

But don’t feel neglected. I’ve barely touched my manuscript in weeks, though post-it notes filled with chicken-scratch edit ideas cover every flat surface in my house. Wonky work hours have forbidden me from sipping wine on weekdays (my back and neck are quite pissed off about this as those areas are now absorbing all my stress). AND reading has become an imagined bliss as far fetched as enjoying a massage on a Costa Rican beach.

Seriously. My wine shop must think I’ve died. It took me a week and a half to read the hilarious Stephanie McAffee’s Diary of a Mad Fat Girl. A week-and-a-half. I should have devoured that book in one sitting, like a pint of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. I have no time to review it, but if you like funny, read it. That woman is a hoot. ( I met her in person at the UCF Bookfest a few weeks ago. HOOT.)

WITHDRAWAL ALERT

Let the shakes commence

Between those issues, my temp job, illnesses, funerals, pre-tween meltdowns, and a car in the shop for nearly two weeks so far (and possibly not ever coming out), I have the wits of a dried-up prison bitch. And without a few layers of makeup, the rings under my eyes make me look like one, too.

Oh, and did I mention it’s been raining? I’m considering building an ark. Or at least blowing up the inflatable boat, just in case, since we sure as hell won’t be needing it in the overflowing pool for a while.

Okay. Bitchfest done. Now for some humor.

Anyone listen to the old Bill Cosby records when they were kids? I’d imagine any child of the seventies had a few of them around the house. Laying on the avocado green shag carpet, I listen to the rain patter down while Bill Cosby told me stories from my red striped record player.

Every time I feel like I’ve been dumped in the heart of monsoon season, I think of Bill and his tale of Noah and the ark… What’s a cubit?

If I build my ark, it shall be filled with pairs of books and wine. Forget the animals. Too messy. Too stinky. If the world is ending, I don’t want to be shoveling zebra shit, I want my nose buried in a book and a glass of wine in my hand…with my loved ones by my side (preferably rubbing my back).

Namaste. Cheers. Salute. Peace out.

10 thing to do today besides work on my query letter

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1. Practice drawing the perfect heart across my draft with a red pen. Switch to blue pen. Draw stars instead.

2. Search for a ‘real’ job because there is no way I’m ever going to sell this book. Build frustration level—I’m not even qualified to be a lingerie maid or sign spinner.

3. Contemplate a bike ride. Obsessively check the radar and decide the possiblility of a shower makes this a bad idea. Decide it takes too much effort to pump up my bike tires anyway.

4. Clean out every closet in the house. Oh, crap — did that last week. Kitchen cupbords?

5. Stalk agents on Twitter.

6. Ooohh, maybe I should bake something. For my family. There should be thousands of ideas on Pinterest…

7. Organize my notes from my first writer’s conference last weekend. Search for all the speakers on Twitter. And Facecbook. Hell, maybe they’re on Pinterest and have a great cookie recipe listed. Check.

8. Nap. Working this night temp job is killing me. I’ll feel refreshed and ready to write after a nap.

9. Check the garden. Maybe another tomato ripened since earlier this morning. I’ll bet my zucchini has grown a tenth of an inch already. I should investigate.

10. Reread every blog post related to writing queries. Imagine Nathan Bransford, Janet Reid, and Jane Friedman are my BFFs. Lurk through hopeless writers forums for snippets of wisdom and success stories. Disconnect internet and stare at blank page.

****SIT ON MY DAMN YOGA BALL AND JUST WRITE****

But, the pirates don’t eat the tourists…

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While skimming my backlog of blog post this morning, I happened upon one about velociraptors and memory lane by the talented and wildly entertaining Joshilyn Jackson. {It’s hilarious. Go read it. And add her blog to your reader. For reals.} I ended up writing up an exceptionally long-winded comment, so I figured I might as well elaborate some more and share my Jurassic Park memory with y’all.

Unless you live under a non-fossilized rock, you must know Jurassic Park is back on the big screen IN 3D. As much as the original is one of my favorite movies of all time and certainly up there with best book-to-big screen adaptations, I think I’m far too lily-livered to handle it in 3D. I need an airsick bag to sit through a 3D movie anyway, but all I can think about is:

That, and I still hear impact tremors on a regular basis. {*see below}

Flashback 1993: It was a hell of a summer. I was a pirate by day, rebel by night. Okay, technically I was a participant in the coveted Disney Internship Program. I worked 40 hours a week hocking plastic swords to tourists while dressed in an itchy and HOT polyester pirate costume. I was an 18-year-old minimum wage slave who knew everything and refused to appreciate the experience as much as I should have. (Please see the enlightening Hanging Mickey Mouse post.)

Don’t laugh too hard. Told you the pants were horrid.

After my shifts (which could run until well after midnight) I’d eek out a corner in my overcrowded apartment and read. I can vividly remember sitting on the smoke-crusted couch reading Jurassic Park while my five roommates were all miraculously absent (work? partying? bleeding the kegs at work dry?). I was a stranger in a world where I was brainwashed to believe in make-believe. And that book scared the crap out of me. It was riveting. It was terrifying. It was bloody brilliant.

And I’m allowed to use the English slang, as one of my roommates was a Brit. Two were from France, another from Mexico, and one from Lima, Ohio, which seemed as peculiar and far away as all of the others combined. FYI: All the cast members in EPOCT’s World Showcase are actually from the countries they represent on job internship programs (at least they were back then). If you participated in the restaurant management internship program, you sold Guiness at the U.K. beer stand. You looked cute and sounded authentic while spending the year in sunny Florida. What a deal.

I devoured that book faster than a velociraptor snarfed down a cow. I dragged my roommates to the ginormous movie theater at Downtown Disney opening weekend. The house was packed—full of tourists mostly.

Let me tell you, fear needs no translation.

I may still have some faint scars on my forearm from Ohio roommate’s fingernails. There’s something about hundreds of people from all over the world yelping and gasping in unison. It was like a perfectly composed symphony of screams, as if we just all flocked together like those veggie-eater dinosaurs running through the plains. Remember: this was in the days when we still felt safe in a crowded movie theater, when we believed the terror was all make-believe.

I know the moment I cried out the loudest, the quote that dug it’s claws into my psyche.

Nope, not when the T. rex tried to eat the kids in the car, or when the raptors chased down spunky Laura Dern, or even during the electric “must go faster” scene.

At one point, that sexy, snarky geek Jeff Goldblum might as well have pointed his finger to me in the audience and dragged me into the film:

John Hammond:All major theme parks have delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked!

Dr. Ian Malcolm: Yeah, but, John, if The Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don’t eat the tourists.

I couldn’t escape my indentured servitude at Pirates of the Caribbean even during my brief periods of repreive. They knew I was there, watching. And if that much of my real life was invested in the story, well maybe, just maybe dinosaurs could be real too…

No. Not possible. Beyond even the most brilliant geneticists imaginations, right? Right?

*Twenty years later, I live just close enough to the theme parks to occasionally hear a distant rumble. It’s barely audible, and I only notice it on spring or fall nights when the windows are open and the air fluctuates to just the right density to carry the deep rolling sound. Each time, my ears perk up, my book goes down, and force myself not to say aloud, “You hear that? Impact tremors.”*

As if somewhere in the wilds of suburbia, a T. rex roams in search of dinner. (Hey, wait a minute…didn’t they do that in Jurassic Park 2 or 3? Ugh-oh.) At some point my deluded sense of reality kicks in and I realize it’s just distant summer thunder or the faint booms of theme park fireworks.

But no one can say I have a bland imagination.

I’d say that book and movie left a lasting impression. Thank you Michael Crichton and Steven Spielberg. Your creations will prowl the border of my suspension of disbelief forever.

Maybe Jurassic Park would be worth the nausea to watch in 3D. Should I take the kiddo? All kids need a complex, right?

Betty Goes Vegan: Curry and Wild Rice Soup

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Last week I told you about my dalliance with VEGAN cooking via the Betty Goes Vegan cookbook. {Check out the full review HERE. Trust me, it’s worth it.} Again: I’m NOT vegan. The Limoncello Bundt Cake baked like a science experiment—and yes, by some miracle of food processing chemistry, I can bake a cake with powdered egg replacer. Who knew?

The next day I was sick and craving soup. While perusing the 500+ recipes I spied Curry and Wild Rice Soup. This authors proclaimed the recipe was “one of those soups people expect in a vegan cookbook.” It called to me. I had all of the ingredients on hand after a weekend trip to the farmers market.The recipe contained for no faux meat (scary), but was loaded with fresh veggies and antioxidants (woo-hoo!). And garam masala turns me on—the scent alone can make my heart flutter.

As advertised, the finished product was easy to make and pretty awesome. Not particularly hot or spicy (but that’s just my taste—some people definitely would have zinging tongues). And it was even better the next day for lunch.

See that gorgeous pot pictured above? This recipe marked the debut of my *new* vintage Cousances Dutch oven, graciously passed down from my grandmother. I’m in love with it. Each time I use it, I imagine the dishes my grandmother prepared in it as she traveled through Europe years ago.

CURRY AND WILD RICE SOUP

from Betty Goes Vegan: Over 500 Classic Recipes for the Modern Family

Makes 4 to 6 bowls (made 3 to 4 lunch sized bowls for me)

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
4 cups Better Than Boullion vegetable broth, made per package instructions
3 1/2 teaspoons of garam masala curry powder
1/2 cup coconut milk
1/2 cup frozen peas
2 cups cooked wild rice
1 cup raw broccoli florets
1 red bell pepper, sliced
1 teaspoon crushed black peppercorns
5 large fresh basil leaves, chopped
1 teaspoon lemon zest
2 teaspoons lemon juice

In a large stewpot or Dutch oven, heat the olive oil over medium heat until warm. Use a whisk to blend in the flour. Once the flour and oil have made a paste, add the broth and continue to whisk your soup until the flour has blended in. Add the curry powder and coconut milk and continue to whisk until the curry powder has blended into the soup.

Toss in the peas, wild rice, broccoli, and bell pepper and simmer until the vegetables are tender. With a large wooden spoon, mix in the black pepper, basil leaves, lemon zest, and lemon juice.

Serve warm and often.

Full Book Review HERE

Betty Goes Vegan: Over 500 Classic Recipes for the Modern Family
Annie & Dan Shannon
Grand Central Life & Style
$26.99 (hardcover), $10.67 (Kindle) 480 pages

MeetTheShannons.com/Facebook/Twitter

Betty Goes Vegan: Limoncello Bundt Cake

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AM NOT VEGAN. Nor do I have any intention of becoming a vegan. But the whole concept of Betty Goes Vegan: Over 500 Classic Recipes for the Modern Family intrigued me, so I reviewed it for Bookshelf Bombshells.

How can Betty Crocker, the BFF of every pearls-and-apron wearing 50s housewife be cool—and vegan? In a few words— if you are vegan, you need this book. If not—it’s clever, loaded with comfort food (even vegan venison! eek!), and full of enough geeky Star Wars references to make anyone laugh. {Check out the full review HERE. Trust me, it’s worth it.}

I don’t know about you, but bundt cakes aren’t a staple in my home. I do have a pretty cobalt blue bundt pan—purchased once upon a time to make some chocolate rum cake, I believe—but I only break it out every few years. Plus every time I hear the word “bundt” I think of My Big Fat Greek Wedding. (You remember, the scene where fiance Ian’s (John Corbett) WASPy parents bring a buntd cake to the very Greek parent’s massive party and the Greek mom puts a flower arrangement in the center of the cake…)

I am also NOT a good baker. Why I chose a from-scratch cake recipe to try (opposed to my normal Betty-in-a-Box route) I don’t know. Wait—I do know—LIMONCELLO.

I figured, even if the cake turned out nasty, I could drown it in limoncello and no one would care. But the cake was NOT nasty. It was actually pretty good. Now, lemon cakes don’t pack the oomph of a decadent death-by-chocolate masterpiece. But they’re steady, solid, and if you’re a lemon fan like me, almost a comfort food. This cake was dense and moist. Since it is my first vegan cake (and my first scratch cake in a while) I’m not sure if that was me or the recipe. This had a density more like a donut.

But donuts are GOOD, so we didn’t care. In fact, we had an overabundance of desserts in the house, so we ate much of this baby for Sunday breakfast. (It’s okay. I paired it with yogurt and fruit. And it’s vegan anyway, so that’s all like health food, right? Well, minus the liquor…)

LIMONCELLO BUNDT CAKE

from Betty Goes Vegan: Over 500 Classic Recipes for the Modern Family

by Annie & Dan Shannon

Makes one bundt cake

CAKE

Baking spray
1 1/2 cups sugar
1/2 cup margarine, softened
1 tablespoon applesauce
1 tablespoon Ener-G egg replacer, just the powder, not made per the instructions on the package
2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon crushed pink Himalayan salt
1 (14 oz.) can coconut milk
2 tablespoons lemon zest
3 tablespoons limoncello

GLAZE

1/2 cup margarine, softened
2 cups powdered sugar
2 tablespoons lemon zest
1/4 cuplimoncello (best homemade recipe HERE)

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees. Spray a fluted tube cake pan with baking spray.

In a large bowl, blend your sugar and margarine with a handheld electric mixer on a high setting until it is smooth and fluffy. Blend in the applesauce and egg replacer.

In another bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt until completely blended. Add the flour mixture to the margarine mixture a little at a time, alternating with the coconut milk. Each time you add flour or coconut milk, use your mixer to blend i tin completely. Once your flour and coconut milk are completely blended in, add your lemon zest and limoncello and blend on a medium setting for 2 to 3 minutes. You want your after to be fluffy and smooth.

Pour your batter into the pan evenly. Use a spatula to spread it out to make a nice even layer. It’s important to make sure the batter is even because the cake will be sitting with the rimmed ring on top. If you see any ridges or clumps, make sure to smooth them out now.

Bake for 45 to 50 minutes. Now, not every fluted cake pan is the same, and some are deeper than others. So start checking on your cake at around 330 minutes. Use a bamboo skewer to test if your cake is done. If you can poke the bamboo skewer in a few times and remove it cleanly, you’re done. Once you’ve pulled the cake out of the oven, immediately poke it several more times—like 15 times—with the bamboo skewer. You only want to go in about as deep as a fork would go. You’re releasing the moisture from the cake to help it cool and also to help release it from the pan. Let your cake cool for 20 minutes and then turn your cake pan upside down on a large serving dish to cool to room temp.

While your cake is baking, make your glaze. In a saucepan, melt your margarine over low heat. Once your margarine is melted, use a whisk to blend in your powdered sugar. Then blend in the lemon zest and limoncello. The glaze is pretty sweet. If you taste it an you are, like, “This is too sweet,” just add a little more melted margarine and lemon zest until you get the flavor you like. You’re going to want to keep your glaze warm till you drizzle it over the top of the cake.

Once your cake is cool, drizzle your glaze over the top. In the springtime, it’s really nice to decorate those lemon cakes with edible flowers and completely worth hunting them down.

Full Book Review HERE

Betty Goes Vegan: Over 500 Classic Recipes for the Modern Family
Annie & Dan Shannon
Grand Central Life & Style
$26.99 (hardcover), $10.67 (Kindle) 480 pages

MeetTheShannons.com/Facebook/Twitter

Review: And Then I Found You by Patti Callahan Henry

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Katie Vaughn runs a successful boutique in South Carolina. When she finds an engagement ring in her boyfriend’s drawer, she goes into panic mode, realizing she must confront her past before she can move forward. You see, Katie has a secret that has weighed on hear heart for over a decade—a secret which can open up a world of joy or condemn her to more heartbreak.

Flashback: On the first day of spring, thirteen-year-old Katie falls in love with Jack. From their first kiss under a lazy Southern moon they believe they’re meant to be. College parts the couple, then law school for Jack. When Katie finds meaning as a counselor for troubled teens in the wilds of Arizona, Jack feels abandoned. He doesn’t understand her need to be so far away and pleads with her to return. She keeps telling him just a few months more…a few too many times. On their last visit together, Jack announces he’s moving on without her. Emotions run hot, and the couple has one last night together…a night with consequences that will echo for the rest of their lives.

Back in Arizona, Katie discovers she’s pregnant, and that Jack has married someone else. She bravely decides to give their daughter, whom they nickname Luna, up for adoption. And they go about their lives, trying to forget, but yearning to fill the empty aching places inside.

Now, thirteen years later, Katie (now calling herself Kate) impulsively decides to track down her first love in an attempt to figure out how it all fell apart, hoping she can mend her heart. She sets of a chain of events that will change them forever.

*********

I loved this book. I’d been meaning to pick up some of Patti Callahan Henry’s other novels, so I was overjoyed when She Reads announced And Then I Found You was the April book pick. Now I must go back and read her previous books while I deal with the guilt of having missed yet another fabulous Southern Women’s Fiction writer.

This is a sometimes heartbreaking novel of love and loss, but it’s not one to have you crying or feeling sorry for the characters throughout. Kate is pretty tough, closed off and protective even, and feels she did the right thing when she placed her daughter up for adoption. Even though she was twenty-one at the time. Even though she was close to her supportive family—a family who offered to raise the baby for her, who begged her not to give away their first grandchild. She hand picked the family she wanted her daughter to have, with two parents who loved each other and wanted a child more than anything. Her Jack was married, and his commitment lay with his new family.

I wanted to like Jack more than I did. It vexed me how he never told his wife about Luna (even after they divorced), how he dumped everything on Katie. They had such a rich history. He was a lawyer by then, not just some poor loser boyfriend. But he was married to someone else. He and Katie exchanged letters once a year on Luna’s birthday, and that was it. Then when Katie did show up on his doorstep, he still kept that wall up.

The tension between the two pulled me as if I was on a stretcher. Add in the tightness between Kate and her current beau, Rowan, and I was just frustrated with all men. At times I didn’t know who I wanted her to end up with, as I fluctuated between liking and wanting to kick both of the men in her life.

Then there is the whole adoption issue. I don’t want to include spoilers, so I’ll just say this: the emotions of everyone involved were beautifully written. The angst, the unknowing, the excitement, the desperation, the pure love…it was all there, feeling so real I just wanted to reach out and hug some of the characters. It was not at all surprising to learn that this novel was based on a true story. I only hope the real version worked out so well.

And Then I Found You isn’t a tearjerker, but it is a sweet story of love, loss, the need to feel wanted, and ultimately asks if we can open our souls to recapture what was once lost.

Read it. {Read an excerpt of And Then I Found You HERE}

Did I mention that Patti Callahan Henry will be featured at one of the author panels at the UCF Book Festival? (I’ll be getting my copy signed for sure.) If you are anywhere near Orlando on April 13th, you won’t want to miss this event where book lovers and writers unite. If you’re going, drop me a line—I’d love to say ‘hi’!

Aaannnddd…as mentioned before, And Then I Found You is the She Reads April Book Club selection. Head over there and comment for a chance to win one of ten copies of And Then I Found You!

And Then I Found You
Patti Callahan Henry
April 9th, 2013, St. Martin’s Press
272 pages

Patti’s Website | Facebook | Twitter

Review: Heart Like Mine by Amy Hatvany

Someone tell me about the BIRDS and the BEES…

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The time is drawing near.

I won’t be able to deflect the questions much longer.

How did you approach THE TALK with your kid(s)?

Last weekend I was thrilled to meet up with an old high school/college friend when she came to town to do Disney. She met my “boys” and I met her darling son and hubby. Oh, and she was visibly pregnant with number two (yay!). Knowing I had gone through a rough patch dealing with secondary infertility a few years back, she broke her good news to me gently. Exceptionally considerate of her, but while I am over the moon happy for her, I am beyond baby lust at this point. Way beyond. As in: that ship hasn’t just sailed, it was attacked by pirates and sunk. The thought of diapers and potty training and sleepless nights and…panic attack central.

I can’t imagine going back to the baby business because my thoughts speed towards standardized testing, bullying, online safety, kids and cell phones, and…explaining sex to my 9-year-old.

Last night at the dinner table—immediately after my husband excused himself—my son popped the question. Technically questions.

Him: Mama, your friend was pregnant, right?

Me: Yup.They’re so excited.

Him: (pause—fussing with napkin) So, how do women get pregnant? And how do women KEEP FROM getting pregnant?

Whoa! Panic! Panic! Sound the alarm. Call in the flying monkeys. Swoon? Am I raising a feminist or a Casanova?

Somehow I managed to just spear another bite of salad and play it cool. (All those years of acting paid off.)

Me: That’s an excellent question. But we don’t have time to answer that right now. Want a cookie? (crap, crap, crap, crap…where the hell is my husband…crap, crap…) How about two cookies?

Is nine (and a half) too young? Should I keep pushing it off? Too old? Just right?

We forget sometimes how blissful it was to revel in that naivete. But this childhood innocence lasts for such a short time now. I mean, my kid’s favorite song (though I tried, so help me, I TRIED to deter it) is Gangnam Style. Yes, he and his little buddies dance around singing “Hey….SEXY lady…” at the bus stop. It’s like a runaway train. Once this this growing up business begins there’s no hand brake—we all just hold on for dear life and try to find a way to steer so we don’t crash too hard.

My kid is smart and perceptive, but he doesn’t question things too often. We watch the news together and I usually don’t get pummeled with questions when stories about gay rights or sexual abuse in the church or Zumba prostitution rings come up. Of course, I choose those moments to butt in with a question about school or Legos or the color of frog poop (as our friend says, “Look! A dirigible!”). But I actually have my answers prepped for those questions, so of course they haven’t come up.

The sex talk is another story. I’m clueless.

So, parents…how did you break the news? Anyone have any advice? Books to buy? I could always just set him down in front of prime time TV and he’d figure it out pretty quick, but I’m thinking that’s not the right way to go…

I’ll keep putting THE TALK off as long as possible, but I need to be prepared. The Girl Scout in me is in panic mode. Help?

FLASHBACK: A little Salt-N-Pepa encouragement

photo credit: oleyography via photopin cc

Review: The Possibility of You by Pamela Redmond

Easy Sweet & Sour Veggies & Meatballs with Minute Rice