This year my family will kneel down before me as I sit regally upon my alter. They shall lay flowers, honeyed cakes and wine at my feet to honor my years of cleaning up baby poo, puke puddles, and those inevitable drops of pee all boys must leave on the bathroom floor. They will sacrifice an animal (perhaps a fish or a fowl) and prepare a feast beyond my wildest imagination. I will spend the day luxuriously wallowing in creature comforts and obscene pampering as a tribute to my exalted status as Goddess of Fertility and Creation a.k.a. “Mother”.
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Goddess |
I really do have this costume.
Perhaps I should wear it and start a new Mother’s Day fashion trend?
Then I will wake up from this lavish dream, most likely due to a cat walking across my face. I will be handed a donut and a card purchased the night before at Walmart and spend the morning home alone with Kiddo because Hubby has a soccer match. I will do a load of laundry, clean the kitchen, and make the bed. I will stare at my feet and wish I had a pedicure while I try to motivate myself to go to the gym later. I will pour juice and prepare snacks. I will scrub cat yak off the rug, water the wilting landscaping, and yank some stubborn weeds from the garden. Even though Hubby has the best of intentions, I will end up cooking dinner after he asks me so many questions I just kick him out of the kitchen to get it done faster.
Just another day in the life…
But really–I don’t WANT any overpriced guilt gifts on Mother’s Day (including a $5 card). I know my family loves me…at least most of the time when I’m not yelling or threatening to take away their video game time or feeding them tofu. I didn’t buy my own Mother or Mother-In-Law any fancy gifts. (My amazing Mom doesn’t expect anything so I grew her a pot of herbs. My Mother-In-Law does expect something grand so I bought her a plant she can grow herself.)
Even founder of the U.S. holiday, Anna Jarvis, spent her life and fortune fighting the rampant commercialization which overshadowed her intentions. Arrested for disturbing the peace in a 1948 protest against the over-commercialized occasion, she said she “wished she would have never started the day because it became so out of control …”
The best gift my boys could give me–the gift I would brag about far and wide and remember forever–would be for them to clean the house. Bathrooms especially. Meanwhile I would be left alone to sit by the pool or in the hammock with an icy cider and good book. Forbid me from writing blog posts, chapters, or resumes. Better yet, just keep the computer turned OFF. Hubby could grill some burgers and corn on the cob for dinner and he and Kiddo could promise NOT to fight over the Wii.
Life would be grand…hint, hint…
What would make your toes curl in delight this Mother’s Day?
Happy Mother’s Day to all of you amazing women out there…and may your families honor the inner Goddess in you each and every day…