Sometimes being a parent is gut-wrenching and harder than ever imagined. Sometimes it’s grand. My guts are exhausted and sore today, still recovering from a rough week.
My baby had surgery last week. Granted, it was oral surgery, and my baby will be eight in a few weeks, but scalpels, sedation, stitches, and extractions are serious enough business in this house to liquefy my insides with worry.
Surprisingly, this story starts not long after Kiddo was born. He had a little notch in his lip, like a small dent or scar, which was sometimes very noticeable and sometimes not. Occasionally people would ask what he did to his lip — a fall? Toddling accident? Slip in the tub?
The answer was none of the above.
As his teeth came in there was a slight gap right behind the lip notch and a faint line on his gums. His pediatrician finally diagnosed it as a slight cleft lip, the result of an amniotic band. Nothing to worry about, he said, it could have been MUCH worse (a cleft palate), and he could refer us to a plastic surgeon to fix it up.
When I looked up the plastic surgeon’s websites, all I saw was ads for breast enlargement and face lifts. I decided to wait and see what happened as he grew. I made the right choice, and now it is barely noticeable. If he wants to undergo surgery for a faint scar someday, that will be his choice, but I was NOT about to put my toddler through unnecessary surgery.
Flash forward five or so years…
An x-ray during a routine dental cleaning reveals severe crowding on Kiddo’s top jaw with no room for an adult tooth to come down; we get an immediate referral to the Orthodontist. After $1000 we leave the ortho’s office with an appointment to get an expander put in his mouth and a referral to an Oral Surgeon: the panoramic x-ray showed two extra teeth on his bottom jaw. These supernumerary teeth were crowded in together, like shark’s teeth.
And they would have to come out.
And get this: even though this surgery was the result of a birth defect, it is not covered by medical insurance. Yes, I called and begged and tried. I got some sympathy, but no coverage.
Our dental insurance would pay for part of the surgery, but not the $350 CAT scan x-ray the oral surgeon insisted upon, and, get this, NOT the anesthesia. It is not considered “medically necessary” to knock out a 7-year-old when cutting open his mouth, digging and ripping out at least two teeth well below the gum line, and stitching him up. I disagreed. The surgeon did as well (and would not attempt the surgery without Kiddo being out cold) yet insurance said we had to cough up the $500.
Have I mentioned that I hate insurance companies?
I did my best to stay calm and optimistic around Kiddo in the time leading up to the surgery. He knew he was going to get a “sleepy shot” then wake up and it would all be over. He stayed pretty calm (partly because he was excited to miss two days of school). I was a wreck. I bought every soft food I could think of: five flavors of smoothie mix, a dozen soups, mashed potatoes, pudding, mac & cheese, ice cream, apples sauce, yogurt. I couldn’t sleep I was so riddled with worry, but I kept smiling in front of the patient.
The night before we gave him the prescribed Atavan, supposedly to make him foggy and not tense. They should have prescribed one for me.
The morning of surgery he was loopy and happily watching t.v. I rubbed the Tergaderm cream on his inner elbows and tops of his hands, to numb the areas for before the “sleepy shot.” I gave him another Atavan. He seemed fine — this was going too easy (for him) — then he started crying and pleading with us not to make him go.
We had to carry him to the car, and I sat in the back seat with him, attempting to distract him and wiping away his tears of fright.
Once in the office he sat curled in my lap like an over-sized infant until we were called back. The dental chair DID look scary. He started getting hysterical, begging us to take him home. We had to hold him down while they injected the IV. Then were escorted out. My heart broke.
After an hour of waiting, we were told the surgery went very well, and he was awake and ready for us. I expected a groggy boy. Instead I found a hysterical mess. I scooped him up and carried him to the car as he begged for water. His mouth was numb and the drugs were not agreeing with him. He couldn’t understand what was going on. My insides twisted like a dish towel watching his misery and confusion.
He was drugged up, nauseous, and miserable until about six o’clock that day. Then, as if some good witch waved her magic wand, my strong, funny little boy emerged from his fog. He begged for some food and stories. He turned chatty and full of swollen smiles. I was able to exhale. He was going to be okay.
The tooth fairy got fleeced at our house that night. Five teeth netted Kiddo enough to buy a few Lego sets the next day. My fridge is still loaded with mushy foods he rejected, but that’s just fine.
Today he goes back to school. At the bus stop he started a heated game of tag, all smiles and full of energy. My baby is back. He will be fine.
And so will I.
Today, parenting will be grand, right?
